Christmas Eve

it is 30 minutes to Dec 25th and I'm staying home tonight.  Can't believe (yet again) how fast this year has past me by.  I remember last year today.  I was working at MUST with Heay, and Dr. Lim let us off early.  And so we headed to Ikano to meet up with family and did a little shopping too.  Whereas today, I work in KL plus OT tonight, and got stuck in traffic at 1030pm driving home.  I still can't believe it.

Last year today, I was missing q and today I am missing p.  What vast difference?  How do we explain all these losing and meeting new ppl?  Guess we can't be greedy wanting everyone to stay in our lives forever... and so I accepted it.  

Last year around this time, I was so excited expecting all kinds of gifts from far far away land.  This year around this time, I had no expectation.  Which I'm very pleased for.  =)  When we all grown & sexy (quote Babyface) we tend to have less expectations of from ppl, or is it just me? 

 

I have one good news to share!  babe told me last night that he got an offer for a master degree!  Supposedly that school only give out 5 offers a year and so he's now one of them.  I'm stoked for him!  I can also hear he's very pleased.  Yeay for him!  It should take him two years to be done.     

I will tell y'all about my trip to Australia later on.  BE patient k?  Oh by the way, I miss Chicago so damn much.  

Merry Christmas.  Have a safe one!

Seems familiar

My home.  Seem familiar yet not.

Dusts underneath our feet.

Smell of new paint.

Disorganized furniture.

A room that is no longer your own.

A bed that no longer fits your body contour.

The same corners yet unfamiliar.

I was at a very strange place these past few days.  In fact, all of us were.

Still can't move back into my little room.  Kinda bumped out when my ma told me that.

We were throw into a "new" place yet we were forced to walk on memories.

Mother made spring cleaning a bit sooner than expected.

Old and unwanted things to be removed.

Just feels like I cut ppl off my life like we did spring cleaning.

Could that be a good thing?

The very person I was thankful for is no longer in my life.

I simply said.  Don't be mad but...  I don't want to talk to you anymore.  

I may or may not regret.  Some relationships are worth keep holding on to.  Some aren't.

While this is going down like landslide.  My babe, keeps my head up high.

When I look at my incoming calls record.  I can see "unknown" appears every two to three days.

Don't matter where he's at what he's doing.  He keeps us connected.  

This may or may not last.  Some relationships last.  Some don't.

Mama called to ask when I'm heading back.  Wasn't gonna leave until 10.

But guess what, I have to pack up now.

Thank you coffee/caffeine for a wonderful day today.

  

Karangan Terbaik UPSR 2007

My sister forwarded me an email and I want to share it with you.
We laughed our heads off reading this.
Hanafi was rolling on the floor... Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Karangan Terbaik UPSR 2007
Karangan budak darjah 4

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di GentingHighlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

Let's write an email to our best friend!

...very pleased to be home early tonight, relatively speakin.

Can't remember since when 12:01am is still considered "early" for me.  Hmm...  fell right back to my OLD habit for going to bed late.  I've said this a thousand times.  Late night is the best time to "quietly" get things done and get thoughts think through and writing things down on the checklist that I forgot to look at.  Agree?

While driving home, I ring up Erin, no answer.  Hence, I should write her an email.  Doing so now.

Finishing up this year

a lil busier than past years...  ;)

Magora is mad at me because I was mad at him because he "accidently" called me a malay...

I just realized I won't be in KL for the coming weekends.  This almost never happen to me.  But guess it's pretty cool when you have somethin to keep your mind occupied ya?  I'll only be back just in time to celebrate Navidad y mi cumpleaños.  

Haven't been updating myself with Perez.  it's shame.  

Oooh!  Can't wait to see my brother and Joyce again, in a foreign land.  =)  So happy his graduation is during summer time.  I get to, hopefully, hang out by the beach, get some tan on and check out beach babes.  I haven't start planning my packing list, might wanna work on it soon.  At least I took my dry cleaning clothes to the cleaners today, that's a good start.  Holy cow, we're leaving SOON!

Effin anticipation.  Nope, not about the trip.  But bout the new year.  

Somethin that I've been dreaming about is on its way soon.  Something that I've been requesting for is on its way soon.  Satisfaction generator.  Well, anyways don't think I'm making much sense here.  

Nothing feels right when I'm not withchu, sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.

Many ppl have things-to-do list, check list etc.  I have my own set of those.  The only problem I have is...  I tend to forget to look at my list.  LOL.  What good is a list if I don't remember to look at it?  LOL.  Seriously not funny.  

Will blog some more when I actually remembers what to say.  Enjoy the last bit of 2008.  Honestly, 2008 has been good to me.  :)

       

Hung up

Today

I hung up on my client

Today

Magora hung up before I could say goodbye to him, after he's told me he's flying back to England as of right now (8:38pm).  I blame his phone line.  Hahaha.

Right now, I can smell one of the greatness aromas in the entire universe.  Coffee.

Yet, I ordered myself a Camomile Tea.  As a compensation, I got a lil sugar donut treat. Ha.

Can I tell you why I hung up on my client?

She was being very rude and impossible and RIDICULOUSLY unreasonable.  I can't get through her and no one could help me to get her to understand the situation.  Why?  She speaks only Mandarin (basically I'm stuck with her whenever she calls).  Bleh.  I knew who she was but she wouldn't admit she's that person.  One minute, she's Mdm XYZ's employee; next, she's Mdm XYZ's customer??!!  I asked her who's on the line, I said I needed a name for record.  She wouldn't budge!!!  She kept repeating "you can't do that".  I was on the phone with her for 10 minutes AND I have a client sitting in front of me waiting for me to do what I was suppose to.  SHIT.  I couldn't bear it any longer and so I HUNG UP on her!!!!  I know I was wrong.  Being a customer service, no matter how angry I am, I can't ignore my client.  Sigh.  What's done is done.  As the matter of fact, I really don't wanna deal with this crazy lady who doesn't even speak to her OWN son.  Vice versa.  Man oh man.  I don't know how she gon react to my rude behavior...  If my boss fires me because of that, SO BE IT.  He could deal with this shit himself.

Whatever you do, if can.  Do not do what I do for a living.  

Magora~

Got a feeling that he's leaving Norway in a hurry.  I hope everything is ok with him.  Said he will call again when he gets back in England.  

Thank goodness it's the weekend again.  One hundred percent-ly grateful for it.  I'm trying to unwind before heading home and also update y'all on somethings.  ;)  If you're reading this, I thank you for still visiting my blog to see me rant and bitch.  

Peace.

 

Two Wrongs/ Thanksgiving

For some reasons I thought of this song which I started listening from years ago...  Hence, I'm listening to it now on repeat.  

Today I discovered a brand new feeling, while reading an email.  I don't think I've ever felt that someone actually know me the way this person does.  He knows what I think, how I feel about certain situations when he wasn't even present to see how things went down.  I was in awe reading through his words.  My heart was warmed coz it is all new to me.  At the same time I thought how could this person?  Actually know me.  

Now, I've switched to Anniversary by Tony Toni Tone.

This same person called me this afternoon, I was talking to my client.

This same person called me this evening, this time around, I couldn't wait another ring to answer his call.  Thank goodness the line is perfect!  Thank goodness clients weren't in my face!  =)  Let see, our phone call lasted 24:15 minutes.  He was telling me his plans for getting a master.  He was telling me how last night they had a scare on the oil rig thinking someone had fall off the platform.  I just listen.  Because the line was crystal clear.  My mind's kinda stuck right now to recall what he's said...  hahaha.  All and all, we had a great conversation.  And I miss him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is Thanksgiving already, Malaysia's time.  Though we do not celebrate it.  BUT.

I want y'all to share with me what are you thankful for right this moment or this year so far?

I am thankful~

~for the decision I made 16 months ago.

~for the people who had travelled from my past into my present, with me.  Though journey wasn't necessarily easy.  

~for the people who chose to stay in my past.

~because I have a good home.

~for R. Magora

~being able to spend time with my sister.

~because I have met some really awesome people this year.  Hanafi, Zaidi, Gary, Val, and Rammy.  

~for people who chose to love me til this day.

~for a healthy me.  

~for Paul.  

~because my current job made me grow as a person.

~because my love for chocolate still hasn't change.  

~for my ever growing playlist on my ipod.

~for Jinn Lin.

~because I get to travel to Gold Coast and Brisbane for my brother's graduation.

~for still having a sense of humor.

~for having papa and mama, alive.

~for having di and mei.

~because Erin finally has her special someone ;)

~because Kimmy came down to visit.

~for Gmail, Facebook and Myspace.

Huh, this list could go on and on and on.  I really want y'all to think about what you're grateful for.  Thanksgiving is more than turkey, sweet potatoes pie, stuffings, cranberries sauce and finally passing out on the couch watching tv.  Thanksgiving let us not forgetting to be thankful, hmm, at least one day outta 365 days...  =)

Happy Thanksgiving 2008!!!!!

  

learnin how to look at the big picture

... makes life an easier place to be.  We had an event past weekend.  Shitty things do and did happen.  Good things happened too!  I was in charge of the rooming list and registration.  I made name tags for folks.  Some ppl saw the left over tags on the desk and said wow so many ppl did not show up.  I said to them, how bout look at those who showed up and are in the ballroom right now.  We all tend to fell into the trap where we focused more on the negative things...  I mean three hundred plus ppl showed compared to the twenty ppl who didn't.  

Ain't gone lie.  I was very very upset for a while when I got yelled at for no apparent reason by someone STUPID and IGNORANT singaporeans.  I can take it when other ppl yell at me, but NOT singaporeans I tell ya.  If you don't like how things are done here in Malaysia, you can take your asses way back to your little stinky ass island.  Yea, to remind you, you are just an island, always gon be an island.  

I've also realized something over the weekend.  I am grateful for a boss like mine.  Always expecting for nothing less than best.  He made me want to strive for more, strive for the best!  In turn helping me to be the best in what I'm doing.  =)  Thank you boss.

Past weekend was hell for the most of us.  Nonetheless it was a successful event!  Icing on top of my cake was getting to meet so many awesome ppl AND to work with my peeps!  We had fun no matter what we're doing, we had fun even during the worst time you could imagine.  =D  Thank you so so so much guys.  Love you!

Back to my point, let's try to look at the big picture.  It does add happiness to our lives.  I promise.  Practice everyday.  ;)

p.s.  but when it comes to s'poreans you best bet I will throw that big picture outta my window!

Eh

Have you ever drove out of the city, looking at your rear view mirror and saw KL Twin Towers getting smaller?  It is one of the best feelings. 

Anyways, been crazily busy.  Couldn't blog.  Wanted to tho.  By time when I get home, I'm too tired trying to remember what I was gon say.  Just like right now.

Holla if anything. 

Peace.  

Untitled

Let the past be where it's suppose to be.

I think that'll allow me to trust.

To believe in better things.

But how do you know when to believe?

But how do you know how to believe?

And how do you know who to believe?

We carried our pasts with us.  To remind, to serve as a lesson.

But that same pasts sometimes hinder us.  

So do we believe?  Do we love?

Speaking of love.

There is no true love.  Hardly true love.

Most ppl love.

But they only love the idea of love.

And they only love the created image of the other person.

They only love the idea of belonging to somewhere, someone.

I think it is true to a certain extant.   

Thinking back on who I've loved. 

I loved the persons I created in my mind.

Do I know who they are?  I can't answer you.

Why do we get disappointed at ppl?  

Because we've created an image of how that person is suppose to be.

When that person didn't live up to the image, we get upset.

Image, might not be the correct choice of word here.  

I have more to digest.  I am flustered.

I probably can't sleep tonight.

Wanna know why?

Ask.  

Another page on my calendar

I flipped another page of the calendar, November is exposed. I suppose that means another month has passed. I only have two pages left since I first bought it. I suppose that means this year is almost over... Is this how most people remind they selves how time passes?
November is much anticipated. Got so much planned for work. I got one word, YUCK. LOL. Seriously, late nights aside, we're gonna have an influx of TMs in da office. More ppl means what???? More ppl means more trouble coz we all know that human beings are problematic. Let alone human beings who are money hungry!!!!! Grrrrr.. =D Oh yea, I'm smiling, Imma smile through the whole ordeal. If you can't hide can't fight, you be, one, with it.  

Someone called me at 11:39pm last night, I was too lazy to answer. Someone called me at 6:00am this morning, I answered because I knew it was him. He is far away, he also sounded far away. I blame the phone line. I couldn't hear one complete sentence, I was half asleep still. As if he's talking under water, as if he's talking in the chicago wind... But babe, thank you so much for having me in mind and thank you so much for calling. I enjoy your emails. I enjoy the surprise calls you gave me. ;)

So many random thoughts are running through my mind. I ought to tell you this story from the book A New Earth (Eckhar Tolle). 'member I was saying learning how to let go? Here it goes:

Two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains. Near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side. The monks walked on in silence. Five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn't restrain himself any longer. "Why did you carry that girl across the road?" he asked. "We monks are not supposed to do things like that." "I put the girl down house ago," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

Think this through, don't we often trapped ourselves doing what Ekido did?  Don't we often burdened ourselves doing what Ekido did?  I DID.  

After reading this story, I couldn't stop smiling.  In the coming days, I shall be less like Ekido!

Yo, hold up.  You might be wondering why this chick has been mentioning A New Earth more than she should be?  Well you guys, I am not trying to be no saint.  Just wanna be less angry*, more patient.  Since I've got this awesome book that actually helps.  You bet I'll hang on to it and sometimes like to share it with you.  It'd be best to pick it up from your nearest book store baby!  Hahahah.         

*I'm one angry person.  

99 balloons...

Received an email from Erin yesterday saying I should check out this video.


I've watched it several times. My conclusion is. I am thankful to have more than 99 balloons...

If you haven't already seen it. Please spend a tiny fraction of your life to watch this video. =)

Much needed

Have you ever wonder why am I not living the life that I wanted that I dreamed of?  I have.  

But I have since tried changing the way I look at life.  Instead of trying to reach some imaginative places...  I simply cherish the life I'm living in NOW.  I've probably said something along the line in my previous entry.  It is not until lately I am able to do so.  

Like this evening, got off work around 730pm.  My coworkers and I walked over to Pavilion to have a dinner and talk about something outside work.  To me, that was blissful already.  I am grateful for an evening without rain, I am grateful for a walking distance hip hang out place.  I am grateful to have coworkers that I can hang out with outside of work.  Life is that much easier when we learn how to appreciate little things that surround us every single day.  

Yes, I might not have the funds to travel and to see the world.  

Yes, I might not have extra money to buy big ass LV bag.  ;)

Yes, I might not have the funds to get dolled up like the Palins (oops).  

But, 

I have a little camera that I bring everywhere to immortalize special moments with special people. 

I have a trusty old car that brings me where I am needed.  

I have a pair of healthy eyes allowing me to read A New Earth, to see, and also to blog for you.

Most importantly, 

I have a home.  

Hey now, of course I will have my moments...  But those moments do not come as often anymore.  I didn't say learning too see things differently and learning to let go is a quick process.  It takes time just like anything else in this world.  

All and all, I feel renewed.  

   

5:37 minutes from the other side of the world...

The sweetest, most nerve calming, 5 minutes 37 seconds phone call came when I was watching CSI: Miami.  I have no problem leaving my tv set when I saw caller ID shows "unknown".  I knew right away, it was him.  Yes even though it lasted only 5 minutes 37 seconds.  It was enough for me to tell him how much I miss him and that he should hop on the next flight to come back to KL.  ^^  He couldn't stop laughing with his signature laughter!

Me: How are you?  Tell me tell me!

Him:  I'm pretty cool but could be better.

Me:  Cool like weather cool or you're really cool?

Him:  I'm cool.  But could be better.

Me:  What can make you better baby?

Him:  You coming here.

Me: LOL LOL LOL

Him: LOL LOL LOL    

For some reason, I knew he was gon call me today.  That's why I had my phone glued to my hips all day... even at work.  He said he'll call later...  Because he was in a restaurant and I couldn't hear him well.  I was so happy to hear his voice, almost dissolved into tears again.  I cried when I was reading his email too... gosh...  So freakin PMS-ing!!!  I said to him baby, I'm very happy to hear from you but I can't really hear you.  LOL.

Well y'all I just wanna share how this 5:37 minutes made all my worries disappeared into thin air...  Right now, I want to fight this cold & flu bug!!!!!  Been suppressing it for two weeks, and now it's attacking me.  Sigh.  Late night sessions will totally ruined any immunity against bugs you have.  So ppl, get early rest.  ok?

Listening to come with me by SHAI.  I wanna dedicate this song to the guy that I really like.  =)    

People come people go...

Same goes to anything

Bit of a "earthquake" happened where I worked.  yea.  

Some people saw better opportunities elsewhere and had left...  

Some remained might be a bit upset.  

I say, why not?    

It is a real world after all...

Why hold on to loyalty?

When it doesn't put a roof over your head...

I say go!  Go for it!

Me I don't have any hard feelings.  

I could give a shit-less about what's been going on.

Just want my paycheck same time every month.

If I could get a big-ger check, 

I'll leave in a heart beat. too.  

Our world is way to real for us to be loyal.

Take that!

Ngeh, I ain't mad.  

Got more in mind now.

Wanna be the best in what I do.  For real.

World class services.  always.  ;)

Don't know where the inspiration came from...

Was it babe?  

Was it that future big-ger paycheck?

Like I said, people come people go.

Same goes to everything...

Just came across a great quote

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

NOW, you have NO excuses for not doing what your heart desires.

Gone

Gone.  Until whenever it may be.  

He's the only guy who made me walked in the rain

He's cried

He's stuffed cash* in a Mentos case

and tried giving em to me, knowing I don't do gums.  

He's bought me calling card,

reminding me to use landline to call coz it's free.  

We've said numerous goodbyes

I've heard the pilot's announcement

We've talked about it

I've kissed his forehead goodbye

We've stayed on the phone until he really had to go

He's asked me will I be fine

I've answered it will never be fine but it will find its way to be okay...

For cryin out loud, I'm effin lost right now.  

Since when did it happen?  

and why did it happen?

*To buy me a jacket we saw few days back ;)

An email to my buddies Erin and Rina

You guys (My loves)!

I am totally back. With no more activities related to my nice long break! Last Tuesday, we had a half day at work. Got off work around 4pm, arrived home feeling relieved and stoked. Called up my old friends to see what they up to. We ended up hanging out for dinner, supper and tea. Plain talking! Wednesday, went to the mall, watched a movie (could you believe I finally actually have time for one real theater kine movie?), had Italian for lunch (yum!), hang out some more. By this point, I've probably gained two pounds coz I let myself eat with no restrictions. Heheheh. It's my break so let it be a real break baby!!!!  

Thursday came, we packed up with my cousin and headed up to Selesa Hillhomes, it's like a hill-y place with fresh cool air, relaxation yo. =) Relax is the key word there. Friday, we drove up to a higher altitude mountain. The place is one of our tourists attraction with ONE and ONLY ONE legalized casino in Malaysia. We didn't gamble, we just played at the arcade. Hahahaha. After that, we had a really BIG HUGE buffet lunch. Good food I tell ya. By the way, I haven't felt this burden-free and happy in a long ass time.  

We left Selesa Saturday morning after breakfast. =) Me and my friends had plan for clubbin that night yea? My mother put up the biggest fight EVER! I went out anyways. They picked my up around 830pm for dinner first and then change and make up at Jinn Lin's house. They brought me to this one club named Poppy Room. It was fucking crowded and hot. BUT it made me wanna cry. I was like how can I not know about this place til now? It's huge inside k, some a/ced rooms, some are open air (the smoke factor went down drastically). They played good music, our kine. I didn't bother with the mixed drinks and went straight to vodka shots. Three shots in a roll baby, we got so hot after. We started dancing and I had a great great time you guys. After dancing at one spot, I was like we need to switch places. That club was crowded but we managed to find a nice spot where we could check out guys. To me, I don't see nobody coz they all asians and stuff. It really didn't bother me all that much coz I just wanna DANCE! After about 2 songs, this guy came up from the back. He was like do you wanna dance? I said sure. Lo and behold, he is black. LOL LOL LOL! What a coincidence ya? (I know he'd been checking me out since I got to the spot, I just didn't wanna make a move) He's totally NOT my type coz he SKINNY. I was like what the heck I'll give it a shot, not gon be all picky for a dance buddy. He made me so happy. He doesn't smell like alcohol nor a chimney. He's slightly taller STILL effin SKINNY. After some bumpin and grindin, I suggested we head out for some air. ^^ Ya know what? As I was "freakin" him, I saw some girls be staring at me. LOL. I know I'm HUGE but that don't mean I can't freak. LOL.

Anyways, we left the club found a little cafe sat down and started talking. He is funny!!!! Haven't been able to talk to a guy with the intention of just talking. We talked for an hour and I really had to leave, coz I promise my ma I'd be home before 3am. I know IT SUCKS. He said to me, do you really have to leave now, he was trying to negotiate. LOL I told him, you have no chips to negotiate with me. And so my night ended. Before I left I told him I was gonna see him on Sunday. My friends were teasing me, asking me how did I "get" a man just like that? LOL Keep in mind, that was our FIRST time ever clubbing together.  

Today, woke up as usual. Went grocery shopping with my ma and sis. He texted me around 1130am asking me if I can come through. I told him no coz I just wanna spend time with my sister ya. And we did the texting thing for a bit. I took a nap til about 330pm. He called me up around 4pm, we talked for two hours straight... One long ass conversation. The first half, he was giving me shit about not keeping my promise. LOL. Then we just talking and flirting and stuff. It was overall good. =) I promised (again) I'll see him tomorrow after work. Can't wait! I want to do grown up stuffs! I want to have intelligent conversations. I want to date. I want to make more friends and I think he's gon be a good one ^^. I mean isn't cool, meeting someone who's been to places? Anywho, check out myspace or fb for new photos. Erin, especially you! =)

A bit of details:
He's from England, temporary living in Korea for a project.
He's a software computer dude.
He's FUNNY!!!!
He'll only be here for a week or two.
Errbody called him Rammy or Ram, I didn't catch his full name. 

I think he's smart. ^^


LOVE YOU BOTH. very much.


yash

Ppl come ppl go

I have friend on FB, her status quote "is tellin herself ppl come ppl go".  I could not agree less with what she'd said.  Tonight, I just dropped someone outta my life.  I am seriously old enough to know what's good for me and what's bad for me.  There is no need to contemplate.  But I did it anyways for about a week or two.  I contemplated.  At last, I know we ain't gon work for the long run.  Painful yet this decision allows me to breathe free.....    

Like my friend said.  Ppl come ppl go.  

Update:  A few minutes after I posted this entry.  An old friend of mine called.  Seeing how I'm doing, to talk to me and stuff.  We ended up yapping for 1 hour 4 minutes and 35 seconds.  =)  Great talk girl.  Thank you so much!  For caring.  

My memories that you too can see...

Contrast.


You totally wouldn't notice you're next to the ocean just looking at this photo ;) That's why Hawaii is so unique.




So blue it makes me wanna cry. Yes I cry about pretty much eveything. And?



There you have it UCKS Coffee!

Revisiting memories

Am currently uploading some old photos onto FB. I know Rina would like to see more of those old pictures. =) Since now none of us are living there, these pictures might help the "homesick" syndrome a little... Hawaii is a gorgeous gorgeous place. If anyone who has a chance to visit, do not hesitate and never doubt. ok?

Side note, I was reading Su Ann's blog the other day. She is attending Columbia U. She lives in New York, New York. I asked my mother*, what would have happened to my life if I were to attend any school in NYC? My question went unanswered. Now, looking back at these pictures how could I ever? think about living in NYC? Silly me. I know I know, this is probably the gazillionth time I've blogged about how much I miss Hawaii, how effin beautiful Hawaii is... ya ya ya. But what's not to love? Yes, we don't have the best college football team. Yes, we DO NOT have pro football**. Still, what's not to love about Hawaii? My best (friends) years happened on that island. I met the most amazing people on that island (peeps in Chi you are just as amazing k). I had the most awesome drinking sessions on that island***. I met the hottest men on that island. And how can I forget, my graduation happened on that island. Heheheh... Bear with me, just freakin mesmerizin now k?

Distracted, I proceed with going through my graduation photos... Can you believe I actually finished school? For a person that hated school since she was 6? LOL.

Man, do you guys hate me for doing this all the time? Are you guys sick of me doing this? Do let me know if you're tired of me being that broken tape player. =)

I miss my girls like crazy.

*Mother hates and never answer hypothetical questions. But her daughter loves asking such questions...

**This brings me to the BEARS. What's up with last week's game? 3 points lost to effin Buccaneers during OT????? Pissed me off.

***Remember once before heading out to country club, Kimmy's friend Honey served me a Screw Driver consists of 12oz of vodka and a tiny splash of orang juice. Dang, after that night I have the worst hang over EVER in the history of my drinking life!!!! Actually that vodka craze was only the starters for the night, after that I have shots after shots of Crown Royal. So you really can imagine the state of my hang over. LOL. shit, I just realize Crown Royal is actually whisky... So that means, I DO LOVE whisky! Oh my world. Tips for ya, the best way to serve Crown Royal is to chill it in the freezer before consuming. Trust me on that, you will not feel the burn. ;)

WordTwist

It's one minute to 1230am Tuesday.  I'm eating Beryl's Chocolates.  On the label it says, Raisins, Hazelnuts, and Almonds coated with milk chocolate....  Let's NOT get started with the nutrition label k.  Before I decided to write an entry, I was totally engaged in Word Twist on FB.  My partner in crime is Carleton W.  He is so so so smart, always beat me in every single game we played.  Yea, I really sucked.  My vocab capacity is just as big as a 5 year old compare to Carleton.  I don't mind losing to a person as smart as he is...  ^^  

Maybe the chocolates I ate has something to do with vocab capacity...  Who knows.

My new book!  Such A Pretty Fat.  Hilarious and witty.  *I'm still eating them chocolate.*  You don't have to be fat to read this book, but you'll relate better if you FAT!  LMAO.

There ain't much had happened.  I was in a really good mood whole day today.  =)  Feels good ya know.  Let's keep this one short, I wanna get back to my Word Twist.  But before I go, I wanna shout out to my peeps in Chicago!

I MISS EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU:  Evvy, Maria, Daisy, Flor, Nancy, Millie, Sylvia, Justine, Kathy, Debra, Alicia, Jeanette, DaVina, Elyna, Kim, Sergio, Ashley, and last but not least mizz Dionne.  

p.s.  He said he loves me because I'm stubborn.  Do you cry or do you laugh?

p.p.s.  My friend is leavin next Tuesday.  =(  To the boonies in CO.  I'll miss him.

This should be a post on its own

I came up with a theory this afternoon.  I only told Hanafi about it.  And now I'm letting you in...

Why do people get married?  

We grew up having friends.  When we get older we might have a boyfriend or two...

But that boyfriend or two can never get in between the friendships we have...  At least I hope.

And as we age, our friends will leave us.  Move, die, travel, have babies, disappear or what not...

So what do we do?  When all of our trusted and most loved friends left us?

We get married!  We feel lonely, we feel lost, we feel the emptiness of not having good friends. 

So we get married!  Find new friends you say?

How many of you can honestly say, the best ones aren't the old ones?????  

And so we get married!  

Yea, I hate it when ppl leave me.  About to OR had left me...  I hate it, I do not accept it well.  That's me.  

*I've moved on to Homie, Lover, Friend also by R. Kelly.

Catching up but still pissy...

Hey.  It is the time of the week again, to be pissy and mad.  Oh yea, I was that just about two days ago right?  Uh huh, I didn't forget.  =)  I am at it again though.  

I am pissed off at first because I am not doing what I went to school for.  Then, I began to pissed off about I am pissed off because of the previous reasons.  A little later, I was pissed off about I'm always pissy about something.  Also, I was pissed off about why I am not doing anything about things that made me pissy.  Woooooooo!  What a mouth full!  Sometimes I would think, why can't I just be more grateful?  I do have a job.  I have income.  Gosh, such deja vu right now.  Didn't I just blogged about this shit?  

People said, if you're not gonna make any changes then stop complainin.  

Let me tell you what happened yesterday at work.  I have a few clients came in to do their monthly things...  To make it short, a lady asked for my birth date.  I gave.  She punched it into her cell phone, after a while she started tellin me things.  

Things.  Like, I appeared to be close to my parents, which I'm really not.  She repeated it like four times.  I nodded, more than once.     

Things.  Like, it is very hard for me to make any kind of decisions.  I nodded.  

Things.  Like, to be careful at work, coz there are tons of "xiao ren" meaning negative ppl doing things behind my back.  I tilted my head a little... 

Things.  Like, I'm lucky to have Yasha* as my name.  To sort of counteract the negativity my birth date generates.

I believed and agreed what she had said.  She even told me, she's went to I-Ching classes that study the elements of life.  You might think this is just superstitious.  But, I believe.  And that's all that matters...

*Though Yasha is only my nickname, she said, but that's what most ppl use.  You cannot change your birth year and date but you can change what you'll use for the rest of your life.  For example, cell phone numbers, nickname and such.  Like herself, she was harsh, so she changed her English name to become more approachable and like-able!  How cool is that?  

Listening to Trade In My Life, Step In The Name Of Love... and I Decided by R. Kelly.

Babe is......  

Like I said before it's gon be a long and difficult journey.  

You are a caring and loving man babe...  

You are very sensitive, you said you can feel it on your skin sometimes....

That I'm not like before.  That I am different.

I agree...  

I'm trying.  To see it in a different light, even if it's a dim one....

Compassion Deficiency

I've got serious compassion deficiency.  Do I really hate my life that much?  Got almost everything a person my age could have.  Uh huh.  

I woke up opened my eyes, first thing that came into mind.  ...I'm not doing what I went to school for 5.5 years for...  My best friends are doing great things!  One works in a hospital, one works for WIC.  They are doing great things in life.  Totally hating why now at 25 still be thinking about err what am I gonna be when I grow up... 

I was thinking about what's lacking in me while chatting with Effa this evening after dinner at Starbucks.  Ok yea, you're not suppose to drift away in thoughts while hanging out...  But I figured it out!  I lack compassion, hence my beginning statement, "compassion deficiency"!!!!!  The symptoms that come with it are hot & short temper, pissy all the time, rude to the ones you love, short to no eye contact, don't care if I'm going to hell for saying mean things, ceased providing world-class customer services and some unknown symptoms.  Any medication suggestions besides food and alcohol????  

Oooooh Someone just messaged me on FB, he said compassion is a weakness..... sometimes this is like spring shower much needed during hot summer days.  I'm impressed.  I'm feelin a little less pissy now.  LOL.  Thanks Genn.     

Say No

TO SARAH PALIN!!!!!

Check out
http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm
http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm
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http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm

Mooncake, iphone, Colorado and it spells Random

Sitting here feeling absolutely fat and full or full and fat.  I had so much to talk about, at least I thought I have so much to talk about.  But after a little eating and drinking, the ideas are all gone...  

Today started out completely wrong.  Of course, my day follows the wrong steps too.  I was pissy and mad all day long, at everybody.  Yes I was.  Towards the evening, I was totally flat (and fat!)  LOL.  I have my own reasons to be pissy: ppl asking me STUPID questions, two-face bitches, and dumb-ass bitches. That's all thank you very much.  It really doesn't take that much to piss me off ^^  Oh I guess I can share a bit about somethings that made me go ah~~~  Well, peeps are back from the US of A.  Some brought back goodies for us!  YEAY!  Nice little gestures, but MUCH MUCH appreciated guys!!!!  I got T-Shirts, Mug, Bag filled with more goodies, and more T-Shirts!  One more!  One more!  I learned three new words today.  LOL.  (1) Enrollment  (2) Retention  (3) Average of sales.  Errrm yea.    

As I'm writing to you, I'm having our last pieces of mooncake.  =P  Peeps, a friend of mine is leaving for Colorado soon (way too soon).  =(  He'll stay at least three months or up to one year!!!!  K, I don't see him everyday.  But the thought of him being over there during winter time makes me sad...  Winter in Chicago is no fun; winter in Colorado is shit!  Yup I said it, shit! ..................................

This weekend was fruitful.  I'm currently reading a new book: The Matrimony.  Speaking of which makes me wanna leave y'all to attend to my book.  I celebrated an old friend's burfday at Delicious.  Hung out with three old friends (that's when m.f. decided to tell us he's going off to US).  I bought three burfday cards.  I bought OldTown White Coffee and a bag of HACKS candy to mail it to my TwistWord buddie a.k.a. Ikea Boy.  I celebrated Mooncake Festival with fam on Sunday, didn't get to go out or anything...    I think that's about it.  

...................................

Today my FB status quote:  I could careless about mankind.

I read Rina's latest note.  ...why the year 2008 should be over with...  If you read her note, you would have agreed with her just like I did.  That was also what prompted me to think I could careless about mankind.  Really.  Mankind could buy you goodies from trips; mankind could also eff you up pretty good and over and over again.  

..................................

I am "dying" to get my hands on an iphone.  Muahahahha!

I am also "dying" to get back to my bed and book.  

Good night!

More Lyrics for YOU

A Man Who Can't Be Moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Whos waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I am freakin touched by this song I heard from the radio tonight.  Awww...... such a sad sad song.  Reminds me of people who've lost their loved ones to 9/11, seven years ago.  Haven't you seen family members posted pictures all over NYC after it happened?  They wanted to know have you seen their mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, best friends, fiance, wife, husband, son, daughter, pets?  Heart breaking even seven years later...

Moving On

Just getting used to waking up everyday
Not seeing your face
I just began to stop setting your place
And I stop longing for your warm embrace
And it was God that made me able
To finally sleep at night
Though you're not by my side
Finally I don't hardly cry
See right when I start letting go
Somebody wants to let me know
Can they take your place
No they can't fill your space
No
I tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
I finally put your cloths away
You know the ones you wore the day
That you were taken away from me
I just began to stop wearing my ring
And I finally stop playin' our song
When I realized I was dancin' alone and
Finally God gave me strength
To go on and breath again
See right when I start letting go
Somebody wants to let me know
Can they take your place
No they can't fill your space
No
I tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
God knows it's time for me to move on
I want to feel alive again
I want to be in love again
And no matter how hard I try
I can't erase you from my mind
And I gotta find somebody new
But I just can't get over you
I tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life I
tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life

Rina sent me this song, she also highlighted this to me:

I finally stop playin our song when I realized I was dancing alone...

Don't you wanna start ballin your eyes???  This is so so true for the most of us.  ;)  I felt exactly this way more than a year ago.  Insanely sad,  horribly true.

Highway "fun"

On my way to work this morning on KL-Putrajaya highway.  

All of a sudden, I saw a huge ass beamer keeps flashing headlights at this teeny car in front, on the fast lane opposite direction.  Usually this signals please get out of my way!!!  Guess what?  That tiny little car wouldn't budge.  I'm not talking about 3 series, I'm talking bout this 7 series black beamer came flying down the highway!!!  Ok now, who would be SO STUPID to stand in a beamer's way???  Did he really think that he could out run the 7 series with his little ass Savvy?  

Me, when I see some big headlights car behind me, I will move outta their way immediately.  I will not wait til the car is on my ass coz I know it aint' so smart trying to out run somebody with my 10 year old baby.  =P    

So guys, unless you're driving a 7 series please do not try to out run someone and I don't care how great your driving skills are!

Drive safe, be safe.

Life at home with parents.

After dinners, sometimes lunches.  Mother and I would sit out at porch on rocking chairs.  Getting fresh air, relaxing, catching up.  One day, this topic came up.  We have two houses in the neighborhood, occupied by middle age single woman.  Their children are grown, husbands one gone, one passed.  For one of the women, my mother exclaimed "what an anti-climax!"  After visiting son and grandson, she had to come back to this big empty house...  Sigh, I said.  Mother went on saying being able to live with children is a blessing, vice versa.  I thought to myself, yes.  Then I stopped thinking.  Instead I started pitying that lady.  When she got married, she definitely didn't know she would lose her husband to nasty cancer.  She definitely wasn't prepared for living alone at the age of 50 plus 60 years old...

           Few days later, I started thinking about life living with parents.  How has it been?  I remember mother once said, it was a blessing for her being able to take care of grandfather during his finals years...  With that being said, am I super duper blessed living with them now?  Yes.  Some people would look at it as oh how useless still living at your parents.  Yea to a certain point it could be true.  But I bet not many people can live with their parents...  There bound to be frictions, but that's normal!  =)  Coz we can always work through frictions.  There are only certain guidance could be given by our parents.  There are only certain comfort could be given by our parents.  So back to my question.  How has it been?  I can say it's been great! Not so much so how I feel really.  It is more about how they feel having me at home.  I know they are happy because of my presence, I know they are happy because my baby sister is less lonely.   I know they worry less because I am home.  Instead of me out in snow storm trying to get to work, as an example.  =)  If I can make them less worrisome, then I am satisfied.  Worrying makes ppl age must faster.  Like I said before there bound to be complications, but we are family, we will work it out!      

             You guys, the feeling of taking care of someone else's parents does not feel good at all.  Makes you think what about my own parents?  Right?  So if you're physically capable, go home more often.  If you're not, call them more often.  I promise you, they will appreciate the little gesture.    

              I know I have more to say.  But right now, my brain tells me to go to bed.  So good night!

Making plans

I've been putting everything on hold for a while. Now, I am making plans to finish what I've started.

I miss holding up a good book and read for hours.
I miss sitting in front of my 2000 pieces puzzle, trying to make it a complete picture.
I miss having friends. And actually hang out with them.
I miss good old me time.
I used to bake.
I used to cook.
I used to remember every single one of your birth dates.

Now things are a bit different. I will have a lot more me time. I figure I can start doing what I've missed and what I was used to... ^^
Speaking of burfdays. I got a FEW coming up in the month of september and october. I better hurry to get things together so I won't miss anything.

Road Rage

Rage defined in Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary means violent and uncontrolled anger.
If you add the word "road" in front of rage, you will get road rage!
If road rage was a diagnosed disease, I would be tested positive. It really is not a pretty story to tell ya. But road rage is scary. About a month ago, we left work pretty late. I dropped my coworkers on the side of the road and then I put on my left signal wanting to get back on track. I saw a Myvi coming from the back, I KNOW he saw my signals and yet he refused to let me out AND he honked at me, several times. All of a sudden, my rage took over, I tail gated that stupid car and kept honking at him too! I was well aware of my actions yet I cannot control myself to stop. It was not the first time I experience road rage... My road rage stories are too horrible to tell...
I just want to say, please drive carefully out there. Do no be like me. And do not be like that stupid guy in the dinky little Myvi! Oh by the way, I HATE PPL WHO DRIVES IN SMALL CARS!!!!!!!!

A lacto-ovo's story...

Been a vegetarian for almost all my life. I am a "lacto-ovo".  That means I do take dairies and eggs.  Of course being a vegetarian comes with challenges.  With that being said I didn't mean I'm missing out good food in life, I didn't mean it is hard for me to find good food anywhere I go.  The perception of good or bad is all in da head.  The challenges I am referring to are the challenges that human beings give me.  

Lets go back to when I was around 6 or 7 years old, during Christmas family and I will go back to Kampar my grandparents place to celebrate.  I remember this one year, we went over to grandparents friend's house for Christmas party.  Food was of course prepared, but me and my brother wouldn't eat.  One of the aunties came asking us, why don't you eat.  I answered her we don't eat meat.  She said oh why?  Jesus/God (I forgot which one) allowed us (Christians) to eat (meat).  She continued saying something like how can you not eat meat, you can't grow properly, yadda yadda yadda...  By the way, it was from then I started to hate Christians.  LOL.  Now, I don't hate them no more because not everyone is like that aunty.  ^^  

*My brother and I did not look like siblings when we're younger.  I'm big and he's sickly looking and skinny.  So ppl would comment something like see vegetarian is no good for children, look at him.  Then I would say, no look at me, I am just fine.  LOL.  

Even then at 6 or 7, my mother still allowed us to have KFC during school holidays when Heay and fam came visit us.  How weird huh?  She knows it will take us sometime to get use to not having meat, poultry, fish in our diet.    

Fast forward a bit to 8-9 years old, IN SCHOOL, that's where the fun starts.  We started to have more friends.  We eat together during break time.  There was once.  My classmate challenged me, he said, it will be ok for you to eat meat because you don't ACTUALLY kill them! (Ooh how smart)  You just eat.  At that time I was confused.  So I went home asked my dad why?  My dad said if all of us do not eat animals then those butchers would have nobody to kill for and no reason to kill...  And so I told myself, that will be how I would answer them back next time.

By the time I get to high school or college (can't remember), someone challenged me.  He said plants is ALSO living things and how could you kill them?  Ooh I was speechless then.  In my religion, animals have soul, animals feel pain, animals think...  Plants don't have soul.  There are somethings, ya just can't explain in English.  Hahahah.  Well yea.  =)

You are probably wondering why am I talking about this?  You are probably wondering why I call it challenges?

Last night, as I was chatting with baby.  This issue came up.  He's another person that asked me how is plants different?  How do you know plants don't feel pain?  I was feeling a bit offended at first but I was over it in no time.  No no, not coz he's my babe.  Just that, ppl have minds of their own, I cannot expect them to not wonder.  I am grateful that my best/good friends NEVER EVER questioned me, NEVER challenged me.  We respect each others beliefs.  We do not allow different beliefs to get in between our relationships.  ;)  

I call it challenges because ppl should maybe just try to understand.  Don't you think so?  AND stop asking me how do I know if plants don't feel pain.  lmao.  Nah seriously, I used to tell ppl I am a vegetarian because of religion.  Now, I tell ppl I am a vegetarian because that is my way of life.  I chose not to eat people's flesh, I chose not to kill for food.  Yea, I might kill a plant or two but.  It is my choice.  =)   

Though my baby challenged me.  He still respects my decision.  Just like I respect his.  We even joked said, I will stop eating food and start eating steels, iron, and diamonds.  LOL.  

Just a side note.  I used to hate Christians is because they are the only ones that go around telling ppl who to believe and what to eat.  I haven't seen any Muslims or Hindus telling me what to do.  However, after I moved to the states.  I met really awesome Christians, I used to go to church with my roommate Lisa during Thanksgiving or Easter.  They all know that I'm not one of them, yet they didn't try to get me to abandon my beliefs.  I mean I was in a church and not one person made comments about my religion.  =)  I thank them for changing my negative perceptions about Christians.  Thank you.  I am grateful.

So there!  I am a lacto-ovo!!!!!

Last/First day of August

Felt like something is missing the whole day.  Wanted to cry almost.  Listening to Babyface again.  Shoulda spend today elsewhere.  Shoulda not been home to avoid some conflicts.  For some reason, home is not where I wanna be.  I miss.  And I want.  Yet, I know I gotta be patient.  So hard to do.  

Well, this is what Imma do now.  Got off the net and continue my Grey's marathon.  See ya!

I wish y'all the best for the rest of this three day weekend.  =)

Where is your can do attitude?

Long ago, I was taught to display can do attitude at all times at work.  Especially during a job interview.  I was told you have a higher chance of getting hired if you display such attitude.  True indeed.

Today, while battling my migraine at work.  I asked myself, where is my can do attitude?  Then and there I realized I've lost it.  I have lost one of the most valuable attitude.  No good, I told myself.  

What triggered me to ask  that question?  When Ribena asked me to do something he coulda done himself.  I was like WHAT?  But my mouth utter ok ok yes I'll check on that.  The angel on one of my shoulders said, it's ok, you will try your best to do though it is not your responsibility, the devil inside me said, eff that I ain't doing it.  So, I ended up unwillingly did what he had asked me to do.  After the whole ordeal, I was little disappointed at myself.  

Could not put my hands on what washed away my can do attitude.  Was it frustrations towards some aspects of life?  Or do I need a life coach?  =)  Ah~ who knows?  All I know is Imma start wearing can do attitude on dem sleeves again.  ^^  

What a long day today...  Woke up with a headache on one side, awaken because of the headache.  Kept wanting to eat all day long.  My excuse is getting my period soon.  LOL.  By the way, my M.I.A friend is finally back on da net.  We are glad and happy that she's fine.  =)  

As I'm writing this entry, I am also writing an email to my ex.  As I'm writing to my ex, I am also tearin up...  Sometimes somethings are just a bit too late...

Things that make me go ah~

Fresh air after storm.

Take time to listen, take time to look.

Friends dropping me messages.  

Kiss and make up.  Which sometimes feels like gone to hell and back again.

Pay Day.

Talking to Erin.  

Goin crazy laughin while stuck in rush hour.

Make up sex.

Laughing because things my coworker said at work.

Rain drops of the falling rain.

Playing with sister.

Wear heels to work.

Taking pictures.  

bEEr on one hand, babe's hand on another.

Wanted to blog about what I've observed in town while waiting for baby to be done with groceries.  Uh huh, I was waiting in da car coz it was raining so heavy out.  But nah, I'm just too distracted by my sister and I couldn't concentrate.  Been thinking about babe all day long.  He said that I've got his heart stolen...  lol.  I think it is the other way around!  

I hope you like this picture.  I hope it will bring peace into your mind coz it did for me.   

Pictures I wanna show you long ago

My lovely creation


This is what the twinnies look like when heavy rain falls

Bukit Bintang woh

We don't usually come here. Jalan Bukit Bintang. The vibe this place sent out is not pleasant. Yea, many tourists come here, so are the illegal immigrants. I don't know what they do here, some pick pockets, some sell cheap brand names faker, and some just sit and watch (like me).

I am here at Starbucks, ordered Java Chip Frap (whipped cream on top), something I haven't have in a LONG LONG LONG time. I chose to take a sit inside where the glass wall separates me and the noisy, hot, dirty world. Dirty because ppl smoke, ppl litter, ppl spit, ppl having bad intentions toward another living creature.

Don't understand why there is always crowd at this place. Traffic is horrible, parking is always limited. Ppl why are you here? I got no choice but to be here. Work. The event doesn't start til 300pm. Well, I was here at 1155am. Waiting.

Aside from all my complaints. I am grateful for this little downtime for me to sit down and enjoy!

Looks better in B&W.

Happy Saturday peeps!

Thought I'd squeeze in a little entry before I have to head our for work.

My friend has gone M.I.A.  No emails from her.  No reply of our texts.  No reply of calls.  No updates on her myspace page.  She's deleted her facebook account.  NADA.  We know she's probably busy trying get everything packed and move.  But girl, we miss you and you need to at least let us know you're still very much alive!  

Ain't cool not to let us in on things.  You might not give a damn.  But we care.

Wooh, about time for reggae groove and some 420's AND the fastest man on earth baby!

It feels like spring time in winter

As I was driving home late night last night. Babyface was on the radio... I carefully listened to his lyrics and OMG I thought. After how many times I've heard this song, only now I listened to it carefully. It says:

It feels like spring time in winter
It feels like christmas in june
It feels like heaven has opened up its gates for me and you

And every time I close my eyes
I thank the lord that
Ive got you
And youve got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself cause
I dont believe its true
That someone like you
Loves me too

Girl, I think that youre truly somethin
And youre, youre every bit of a dream come true
With you baby, it never rains and its no wonder
The sun always shines when Im near you
Its just a blessing that I have found somebody like you

To think of all the nights
Ive cried myself to sleep
You really oughtta know
How much you mean to me
Its only right that you be in my life right here with me
Oh baby, baby

Tears filled up my eyes. This song is simple yet so beautifully written, the person who wrote it definitely knows the right words to get to your heart and mine.

In love.
What comes into your mind when you see it? It gives me this old school feel.

Tell me again

Why do ppl watch soccer? 22 wussies running around on the field chasing one ball. I called them what I call em because have you seen them rolling on the grass looking greatly in pain?? And the next minute, they are up and running as if it never happened. That's totally acting, hoping the referee would call foul on the opposing team. If ya wanna act, GO TO Hollywood!!! Football field is for true sportsmen.

OK, I admit I am bias. Oh yea, and maybe I don't know how to appreciate their "footwork". But c'mon rolling on grass and pretend you're injured? What the eff sport is that?

I still love my football y'all. CHICAGO BEARS all DA WAY!!!!

My baby better not be reading this blog. He'd be pissed off. Well, tonight we were watching semifinal btw Argentina and Brazil. Outta the blue...

He said: I remember you said you'll never love soccer.

I said: Yes, I'll never love soccer. You think I'll be sitting here watching this if you're not here?

He said: Yea, if I'm not here you'd be watching Gymnastics. Why are you watching this then? What will motivates you to watch soccer?

I said: Baby, you're the ONLY reason I would watch soccer.

He said: Maybe with time, after you watch more games with me you will like it.

I said: Yea...

Anywho, Argentina scored 3-0 against Brazil. They will be playing Nigeria on this Sat night. ^^

Of course you may argue who's more of a pussy. Men in TIGHT pants and shoulder pads or Men that ACT on football field instead of being real???

Soccers aside. I am so so so happy to see babe tonight. Love you more baby. :p

I still don't understand how could ppl go crazy for soccer? Like tonight, 45 mins into the game, there was still no score on the board. To me that means no action going on. yuck.

My baby not be reading this entry.

Sempurna -- Andra & The Backbone

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

YOU GUYS!!! You've probably heard this song on the radio quite often if you live in Malaysia. I've heard this song a few times before I get the chance to steal it. ^^ Such a beautiful don't you think? For y'all that don't understand, I apologize. I will find time to roughly translate it.

*update
ROUGH Translation:

You are perfect
In my eyes, you're so beautiful
You made me think about you always

Every step I take
I will always think of you
I cannot imagine my life without your love

Don't you leave me
I can't go through life without you
It is only you I'm able

You are my inspiration
You are my heart
You are my life
You completes me
Oh my love, you are
Perfect... Perfect...

You hold my hand
Whenever I am weak and I fell
You whisper into my ear and all the regrets disappearred

Don't you leave me
I can't go through life without you
It is only you I will

You are my inspiration
You are my heart
You are my life
You completes me
Oh my love, you are
Perfect... Perfect...

Travel safe

An old friend of mine will be moving from Washington DC to be stationed in Okinawa, flying out this saturday and he left me a message on Myspace.  I'd consider we go way back when, I was only 21.  Seems like a long time ago.  He hasn't always been with me, emotionally he was there.  No matter where he was, no matter where I have been.  I miss you dearly.  

He will be there for 24 months.  I told him, after August 15th we have no excuse not to talk on the phone, at least we'll be in closer time zone.  Let's not talk about long distance relationship, but this friendship between me and him definitely works!  =)  We also always have a thing for each other forever and ever...  

He's always asked me how come I never made it to DC to see him...  I have no answer to that.

He was in Chicago only a few days after I left... sob

Fate went into over drive...

Well he'll be around here for a few more years.  I'm sure I'll see him again!

This is to you babe.

Travel safe.    

Update:  He arrived safe and sound in Oki.  

Bed time

Did plan to write an entry tonight.  But I'm just toooooo tired to function.  So good night y'all!

Bernie Mac R.I.P.

He left, just like that.  He was only 50.  He was funny.  He was genius as a comedian.  Bernie Mac passed away last Saturday due to pneumonia...  

I just found out he was dead reading our local chinese newspaper...  When I saw the little column, I kept repeating oh my god oh my god.  I knew he was in the hospital, totally didn't see this coming...  We've seen his comedy standups, we've seen his sitcom, we've seen him in movies.  R.I.P. you will always be remembered.

He was from Chicago.

Sunday II

Uh huh!  I am back!  Before I said anything, my pod is sick...  How can an ipod be sick?  He is not responding to me...  =(  Worst yet, I don't have money to replace him.  So now,  I'm blogging with no MUSIC!  

*Update:  my pod calmed down and he's back to work.  ^^

Anywho, the Macaroni and Cheese is a success.  It's the kind from scratch not from a Kraft box.  LOL.  Everyone loved it.  =)  I am happy enough.  

Tension is building up because my work is not done.  Yet, I'm wondering if I should see my baby tomorrow.  Hmm...  What is this work all about anyways?  I am lost.  On another thought, my hair is getting so long.  The image of me changing job flashes through my mind countless times.  Mankind's true self is so ugly, I want to puke.   People lied with they eyes wide open, someone like Tang (a grown ass man).  Honesty and fairness???  When I heard those words came out from his mouth, I wanted to bust out laughing.  How dare he used the word honesty and fairness, total bull.  Honest to who?  or was it your selective fairness??

Wow wow wow, this entry went from happy to pissed off!  My thought flew over to Chicago, thinking wouldn't it be nice to have spent my 2008 summer there?  It would have been my third (or was it fourth?) year living in the most beautiful city.  A lot of you might not like how America is...  However, it has a special place in my heart.  Always.  

See how my mood fluctuates?  Scary.  That's why I need my baby to tame the bitch inside me.  My baby will not allow me to act up.  =)  Gosh, my hair is getting longer!!!!  Maybe I should keep it til it hits my waist.  About six more inches to go, I think...  Hehehe.    

Will end this now and make it an early night for me.  

Adios!

Sunday I

Totally didn't really do what I planned to do.  Instead I cleaned my room, put my winter clothes away (finally got around to do it).  Early today, me and sis went to MV to get ingredients for today's dinner.  Like I said previously I am gonna make macaroni and cheese.  We had a big lunch there, curry meehon kuey teow for me, fried kuey teow for sis.  Drinks I had bubble tea and she had herbal tea, iced!  Muahahaha.  Full full by now.  We didn't shop around for too long coz I told my dad we would go home as soon as we're done.  Actually reached home at 1230pm, broke the record!!!  LOL.  

You guys, I tried working on my proposal that's due on Tuesday.  Nothing presenting worthy yet.  Sigh.  Guess I'm a true last minute girl.  If it was a last minute thing, my brain juices will keep flowing unlike now, writing a blog instead of working?!  

Today is a great day so far, tho weather is a bit on the hot side but I have no complains.  I love the feeling of a lazy sunday afternoon.  =)  Where I get to clean my room!!!!!  Oh before I forget, I wanna shout out to my baby sis.  Mei, thank you for being such a fun person to be around!!  You're silly, you're humorous, you're fun, you're talented, you're lovely...

Friend Kuey Teow... RM 6.30

Herbal Tea...  RM 2.00

Earrings... RM 4.20

Hanging out with mei... PRICELESS

It is about 3:31pm.  I shall take a shower to cool my bod.  =)  

Still is August 9th 2008

As I was plucking my eyebrows and listening to Natalie Cole, so many thoughts ran through my mind.  

Uno:  Someone from my past called me twice today using private numbers.  I didn't pick up because I know it's him.  There is nothing more to say or to do getting me back...

Dos:  Someone was in a little bit of crisis today and I didn't manage to call her up.  I feel deeply sorry.  She is my best friend, I couldn't even be there for her, call her, talk to her.

Tres:  The reason why I couldn't get in touch with her...  I was stuck in this STUPID "save the earth" exhibition.  Gosh, how I wish my parents didn't force me to tag along.  The event, I have four words for them: good intention, HORRIBLE planning.

Cuatro: When can some of us really learn how to let go of something we couldn't control?  Why some of us are just so dense in the head?  How old are you now?  How many times have you been through this?  AND ya still didn't learn.

Cinco:  I enjoyed today very much.  Get to watch TV undisturbed.  Did the channel cruising thing.  Finally settled on The X-file (old) and KLS: Life in the fab lane marathon.  I absolutely love this show.

Sies:  Tomorrow got so so much to do.  My sister requested (pizza or macaroni & cheese, or spaghetti or macaroni salad) that I will cook for her.  I have this proposal to be finished!!!!!  UGGHHHHH!!!!  For work of course.  In other words, I get to stay home all day tomorrow YEAY! 

Siete:  Pray for Rina, Erin, Heay Jason and baby.  Hoping they could be as strong as they can be.  Hoping Jason would choose to go back to Saipan.  Wishing baby all the happiness in the world.

Ocho:  2008 Olympic Opening Ceremony in Beijing was FANTASTIC!  It got me so excited.  I get to see the countries (ppl) that I've never heard.  Hey, I want to wish our very own athletes all the best.  I know there are only 27 of y'all but you know you're the best in what you do.  =)  No one could take that away from you.  Just believe.  Special shout out to our Badminton players!!!!  Make ya mama proud.  ^^  

Nueve: Karma is a BITCH.  Watch out peeps.  

08.08.08

People from all over the world has been waiting on this day's arrival.  It is here now.  

We shall see...

How can you mend a broken heart?

How can I ever thank them enough?  What can I do to show them my appreciation?  I believe buying them teh ice every afternoon is not enough.  They are always there for me.  Even when they don't really wanna hear from me.  LOL.  Someone describe me as the rose amongst thorns...  If it wasn't for them, how could I ever be that rose?  Oh yea, I am not talking about Ribena and Tang.  

They are my bunch of joy.  They are my cheer leaders.  They are my family.  As long as we work together, we will stick together, just like families do.  

I felt sad this evening.  I wish I didn't have to choose between my family and my love.  On top of that, my baby told me tonight, he said I love you so much and I'm very happy to be with you, but you never have enough time for me...  There is not one guy who have said this to me.  It will usually be me smothering them, it will usually be me take up too much of their personal space.  It definitely is different this time around.  My baby told me, he is glad that he'd discovered me.  My baby told me, his life is complete because of me.  There is not one guy who have said it to me.  He said to me, baby there will be a time where you have to leave your family to make your own...  I said I know.  Ray said he doesn't know what he'll be without me.  But I know deep down, he will do just fine without me...  I also know, men have change of hearts quicker than they drop they boxers.  We'll never know.  If he sees this, he'll surely be pissed off.  =)  My babe. 

How can you mend a broken heart?  This is D song I listened to when I was dumped at the age of 19.  Over and over again.  Cried to it countless times.  Thinking to myself, who can mend my broken heart?  Will kicking the shit out of him make it better? Haha~  It all seems so silly now.  As we age, our "mending" process get more refine as well.  Dontcha think?  One question I would never ask again is why?  This is the question no one should ever ask.  =)  I learned that when someone stop loving you, asking why will not speed up you mending process.  I learned that when someone stop loving you, asking why will not make that person love you again.  

12:26am.  Signaling time for bed.  Feel better will ya?

Heaven -- Jamie Foxx

Tell me have you heard the story
That took place not long ago
Bout an angel up in heaven
They say she up and ran away from home

Word is she had unfinished business
So back on earth she had to flee
Well you know I'm so elated
Because she's laying right here next to me

And when God woke up that morning
And he called out her name
And when she did not answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the same

Always dreamed that it would happen
I just didn't know exactly when
All my life I'd been waiting for something amazing
Said it took a while but now I know
So tell me can I get a witness
If you believe in miracles
And the proof I have is living
And my life will never ever be
And your life don't have to be the...

At times it seems we take for granted
How precious life can be...ooh ooh yeah
Just hold on and I'm sure you'll understand it
Bringing into this world
A precious boy or a girl and when God
woke up that morning
Said where did my little angel go
And when she didn't an...answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the....same
Yeah....Yeah

Playlist is on repeat, yet again.  Tonight I'll be going to bed with this song...  Night!

What's the fuss???

My Gmail status quote:"I'm sick of this shit".  

What am I sick of?  

People putting poison in what they say.  

Going through this* every month!!!!!!!!  Puta, worse than a woman's PMS.  

*As in Tang asking so what do you do everyday at work?  Like shit you don't know what we have to do everyday.  Do we have to tell you every month????  And Tang saying he ain't satisfied with our work performance.  Well honey, loads of shit that we do you don't even know what's going on.  Also, now that someone is gone from our team, Ribena's performance is total shit too.  Why don'tcha go talk to you little sidekick.

Hmm...  Apparently Tang "found out" that someone check they private email at work.  I admit that person is fucking me.  And I also know Ribena is the one who told Tang!  So I do, I check my emails at work.  I do do other things at work.  However, I have a god damn valid reason to do so.  I NEED TO GET MY MIND OFF WORK.  There!  

To me it's like c'mon.  We are all grown adults, old ppl even.  If you have something to say, please say in it in my fucking face.  There is no need to get through... hmm say two ppl to pass on the message.  Plus, you will give me a chance to throw it right back atcha!  Stupid.  

Back to the story.  Ya seriously think Imma be at work for EIGHT hours a day and don't check my personal email????  I know I know, ya expect me to read up work related crap for self improvement yadda yadda.  Well let me put it out there.  If you want to have SANE employees, you just better keep ya mouth zipped.  Plus, we don't get our ONE hour lunch EVERYDAY stated on contract anyways....  We didn't complain about that to your face, so what's the fuss Tang?  Moreover, you didn't pay us one and one half for our OT.  Did we complain about it?  NOOOOOOO.  So what's the fuss Tang?  We didn't complain about your unpredictable mood swings, so what's the fuss Tang?  We didn't complain about you being swayed by someone, so what's the fuss?  

I wanna love again-- Natalie Cole

Ah baby
How do I start? Where do I begin?
I've been hurt so much. I just need a friend
Could it be you? Will you break through these walls?
Are you willing to help them fall?

Chorus:
I want to love again, but I'm afraid to
I want to trust again
But my heart says not to
Your every smile, your gentle touch makes me weak
I want you so much
I want love again and this time with you

I didn't know that this would be so hard for me
Being this close to you is driving me crazy
My mind says no oh but my body says yes
You make one move and I'll do the rest

I want to love again, but I'm afraid to
I want to trust again
But my heart says not to
Your every smile, your gentle touch makes me weak
I want you so much
I want to love again and this time with you

Bridge:
Oh it's been so long since I've seen your face
And I'm just trying to be strong, oh but I think about you everyday
And it makes me weak when I see your face
I guess it means I'm in a different space
Cause I wanna love again and this time with you

I want to love again but I'm afraid to
I want to trust again
But my heart says not to
Your every smile, your gentle, gentle touch makes me weak
I want you so much
I want to love again, please let me love again, I want to love again
And this time with you
I just wanna love again with you

I am feeling this song, brought lil tears to my eyes.  First heard this song from a movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman.  Beautiful movie, if you haven't, please spend some time watching this movie.  It came out back in 2005 or 2006 I can't remember.  It makes ya laugh, it makes ya heart melt, it makes ya angry, it makes ya wanna dance,  it makes me realize I can forgive...  Hey, no worries, you ain't gotta be black to understand this movie k?  =P  If you're a woman that has gone through a lot, you will feel what I feel.  Ain't gon say nothin about if men could understand...  lol.  =)

Best to be in bed by now.  So I will see y'all later.  I'm gonna make it a point to be up early tomorrow, I mean today.  And I'm real excited coz I get to have lunch with Effa!!!!!  YEAY!!!  =)  Haven't seen her in a while yo.  Got lotsa ketchup to do. 

Oh yea of course, I saw my baby today.  He asked me questions.  Baby when you want to get married?  Will you marry me within this year?  I know we're getting older and all but I honestly have no idea when to get married????  and for that matter, why do you marry someone?  Just coz you love him/her?  Just coz that's what you're suppose to do?  Man, I got no clue.  Ngeh, let's not worry about it until I have to cross that bridge.  That's if I ever get the chance to cross the marriage bridge.  Hmm...

NIGHT!

Pictures

Hmm... After we had bfast at Pelita.


Zaidi said I look nice in this picture. Hehehe


Me, Gary and Hanafi.


@ Saisaki, farewell dinner for Mak!


GO TEAM!


The best ice kacang in the world. From Kampar.


Me and mie at Lumut. Getting ready to get in da pool yo.


Mie and me playing around with my camera.


Love Fannie May's chocolate