Something to look at

Lotus Seed Paste Mooncake

Since Mooncake (Mid Autumn) Festival is just around the corner and my mother and I have made some few days ago. I thought why don't I go online to search for mooncake recipes to see what is out there. My first stop is, of course, www.foodnetwork.com, I found nothing and they even asked me was I looking for corncake recipe. LOL. So then I googled mooncake recipes, honestly not many good results out there. The closest match was probably the recipe from Star Online, a Malaysian newspaper. Besides that, a lot of the search results were "where do I find mooncake recipes?" sorta things. And one crazy ones that says 'easy chinese moon cake', for ppl like me who just made some KNOW for sure there is nothing easy about making it! In that recipe, it even called for strawberry jam??!! I was like WTF?

Anywho, I am pretty damn proud that I have participated in the making of mooncakes! The preparation is tedious and you gotta start preparing at least one month before you get to make anything outta lotus seeds, flour, oil, sugar and etc! I can't disclose too much about it here though ;) Just in case you're curious, the recipe is from my maternal grandmother. My mother is the main person making mooncakes and me the sous chef. Hehehe.

I just wanna say, the mooncakes we make taste nothing like what you are getting where you shopped for grocery not even high end restaurants or classy five star hotels can beat us! Well unless you got homemade mooncakes that uses ONLY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT lotus seed paste, strictly NO FILLERS!!!! I will have some pictures posted up here soon. So stay tuned ;)

I love Kimora Lee

I love Kimora Lee Simmons, I'm not too sure when she's gonna change her last name. Hehehe. Yea, she just had a new baby with her boyfriend Djimon Hounsou.

I love her because she's crazy and loud and of course, she's freakin fabulous. She embraces for who she is, she definitely ain't shy bout being loaded!

I love that she's a mother, I love that she loves dark chocolate, just like I do. ;)

I love that she's half black half asian, I love that she has a damn cool mother allowing her to be with some much older men. LOL.

Not that I've met her in person or anything. Not that I wore a Baby Phat labeled clothing ever. Kimora simply rocks! She's as real as you can get.

Enough with the I love Kimora talk.

Uh huh, I know I haven't been updating my blog as often as I should. Just coz I ain't got nothing new to talk about. Like right now, even if I have some ideas I can't bring myself to sit down long enough to actually write. =)

If you're one of the few ppl who is still reading my blog once in a while. I thank you =D Maybe you could give me some ideas as to what you wanna know?

PEACE.

p.s. I am still dutifully drinking my coffee everyday. Once a day, or twice if I'm being really horrible with self control.

Amazing

The thought "amazing" came to me when I saw a friend of mine commented on my status on FB.  I was sayin I just realized tomorrow (8/4) will make two good years since I moved back to Malaysia and he said "two years back I am looking for being here for 20..."  You're thinking no biggy right?  Yes, no biggy if you're a Malaysian who has live here all your life.  But biggy if you are from Austria.  ;)  So yea, that's why I thought Amazing!

Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?  Have you seen season 3?  Sometime around season 3 when Meredith "drown" and almost didn't make it?  When she came through it and Christina was holding Mer's feet and couldn't utter a word?  

I cried.  Because I thought if I were Meredith, who would be the Christina holding me feet when I almost died?  

I cried.  Because I am afraid.  Maybe I didn't have such bond with anyone I know. *in this case, family doesn't count*  

I cried.  Because I know deep down maybe I don't have anyone like Christina in my life, well not anymore.

I cried...

Just realized something else.  I like to write on this blog at the same time I would reply emails and messages.  In case you're curious, right now I'm replying a message on FB from my professor.  I guess it'd be the only time my mind is set into writing, may it be any form of writing...  

Today I did one thing that make myself proud.  I was being really really polite and patient with a client and everybody knows how nasty she could be.  ^^  I am so proud.  lol.  I sat with her for 3 hours...  THREE HOURS.  I sat with a nasty lady for 3 hours of my life.  I almost couldn't believe it. LOL.   

In case you've forgotten, tomorrow will make two good years since I moved home.  A baby born two years ago would've become a toddler tomorrow.  I do miss the other me, I do miss the other world I lived in.  

All and all, it is pretty amazing.

Just wateva

How many times do you have to reach a breaking point to actually break?  And if you didn't break after that point it wouldn't be considered as breaking point would it?  

I just realized sometimes we cannot fit someone or somethings in our fantasy into our real world.  Sometimes, what we found in our fantasies is better off remain in our fantasies.  After having to realize that, I am more at ease with myself and everything else.  

If you just assume everyone is horrible from get go then you wouldn't be disappointed further.  Seriously, no one is an angel in this world.  Someone is always doing something (good or bad) to benefit themselves, nothin wrong with that coz we're oh-so human beings.

Well if you are too nice to assume everyone is horrible, there is another way you could do.  Set your expectations REAL LOW.  Ha.

I have a good 5 days off and I don't know what to do with it, yet.  I'm thinking somewhere with blue ocean and white sand.  Who wants to go chill with me???  August 12th-16th.

My hair is real frizzy and wavy.  Should I do something about it?  OR let it be and have every other person who sees me tells me I like a lion?  Hmmm

I am more of a patience person now.  

While I am helping everyone else's dream come true, am I also making mine come true?  A blue bird outside of my window tells me he heard not.  

Currently reading The Secret Life of Bees.  uggh...  I'm looking at my hair again.

Where is my passion?

Been thinking about this since forever...  Gotta sit down and plan.  NOT wedding. 

I got stories to tell but ain't in any kind of mood to tell them.

Cycles

I go through em like a dutifully hamster.  Never asking why.  Can't remember if I've told about me quitting caffeine.  It worked before when I was living a less stressful life.  It is not quite working now coz I need caffeine to get me through the day, my day.  Ermm...  my cycles go like this:

1.  Waking up late in the ams, mentally preparing myself for a caffeine-less day.

2.  Doing rather well up until around 1 in the pms.  Sometimes I can't even get pass 12noon.

3.  Feeling like a walking zombie.

4.  Struggling like a mad woman inside of my brain debating if I should have that cuppa damn coffee.

5.  Giving up.

6.  Feeling wired up after the feeding of my addiction.

7.  Crashing down around 7-8pm.

8.  Swearing to myself that I wouldn't have coffee again because I'd toss and turn at night OR still up blogging at 1234am.  Also, going to bed late means getting up late. MEANS, I'll miss my exercising session.

9.  Repeat from 1-8.

I know I know it is all in the head.  Sigh.  

p.s.  Was totally distracted for about 30mins talking on the phone with effa.  It is her burfday today so a shout out goes to you my love!    

Milo and MSN

People drink coffee and tea amongst some other drinkable drinks.  But us Malaysians love Milo.  When I saw that 1.5kg bag of Milo sitting in our pantry at the office...  I realized we love Milo, coz it's comforting.  We had it when we were little kids.  A scoop of powdered milk, two scoops of Milo, add hot water and it was heavenly.  Then we get older, we'll go out to mamak and we order Milo-ice (powdered milk has been replaced by sweetened condensed milk).  Until now, I still love having Milo anytime of the day...  But I no longer add in sweetened condensed milk nor powdered milk.  Well, occasionally we add Nescafe to our Milo to create what ppl call Nes-lo... Cool eh?  

Realized one thing that hasn't changed throughout our years?

Eli (my Mexican friend) could not stand the fact that I could drink Milo day and night, rain or shine.  Coz to her chocolate-y drinks are only for kids and special occasions and beer is definitely a better beverage!  LOL.  

Changes changes, we love it we're also afraid of it.  

About 6 or 7 years ago, I'd stay in touch with friends using MSN.  Soon as I log onto MSN after getting back from classes, I'll see many many little green/blue man on my contact list.  And usually I will chat with most of them, if not all, some even live just down the hall.  These past three years I haven't log onto MSN as often as I used to.  I guess my mode of communication has altered, so is others.  Or as we grew older, we learned that a lot of ppl whom we called friends are no longer our friends.  Or as adults, we are more selective as to who we called friends.  =)  Whatever reasons we believe in, the truth is, there are just not many green/blue little man showin up on our contact list anymore...  Seriously, it is kinda depressing coz it is getting to a point where I am okay with not having a lot of friends.  I will always be grateful for the friends who have walked with me through certain paths of my life.  The friends who chose to walk a different path, I'm fine with it too.  No longer feeling that sense of lost that I speak of often, in my previous blog entries.      

Cheers to Milo, a good farewell to MSN!

p.s.  Milo is like hot cocoa and then some.  ;)

Too lazy to string em together

-- Peeps!  I'm ready!  I wanna be back into the game... of working out.  =D  My workout regime has been put on hold since I went on my vacation and sickness/weakness whole of last week.  Bleh.  Such a weak ass I tell ya.  SO, tomorrow will be a big day for me, I told ma, I gotta start from zero again... Stamina, determination and such  =(  

--  If I haven't already done so, would like to give a big hand to Facebook.  Because of it, I get to "see" the world through my friends' eyes.  Those who were fortunate to travel to different parts of the world or even just different parts of my country  =D  I thank you Facebook!  

--  How close do you have to be to someone?  To be able to feel someone's sorrow and restlessness.  For some reason, I feel (already) connected to someone whom I just met.  He did too.  Just like a few days ago, I was having a bad day, when I spoke to him on the phone he told me he was uneasy whole of that day too.  And today, he was having a bad day (but feel MUCH better after hearing my voice), it was my turn to feel restless.  Hmm... 

--  My back is starting to peel.  Will start wearing makeup again coz I'm not sick anymore!  I feel gorgeous!  Hardly need alcohol to feel happy this past two years.  Muahahaha!

--   Oh yea, I am thankful for health screening tests.  I now know for sure my cholesterol and LDL is on the high end.  Will do my best to bring em down like my dad did!  Go DAD!  Watch out for eggy, buttery, oily and tasty foods.  LOL

--  Enjoying the new love/lust package.  Feel like a million bucks all the time coz someone always tell me how much he misses me.  =p  I don't care if me and him is/isn't gonna turn into anything, just wanna enjoy it as much as I can now.

--  I had an image flashed through my mind yesterday.  The image of me being at my mother's age... 50-ish.  I was like damn.  Time is flying by at the speed of light, we better be present now, be aware before we look back at our lives and say shit I shoulda done this this and that!  My ma told me this the other day, she said:  We have plenty of time to sleep/rest when we're really really old, so before it's too late we gotta move more (be active) now!  Smart mother.

--  Seriously, I can't stop thinking about him.  I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face.  

--  I have not read a good book in a long time.  Got so much to do Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturday.  Can't choose between hanging out with fam and friends or hide out to read a book.  Susah lah.  Or sometimes I will forgo the idea of catching a movie, afraid to lose my day off spending two hours in the movies instead of two hours with human beings who loves me.  

--  Stomach is growling.  j.o.e. is on my current playlist, love him!  Knowing I have to be in bed by now.  Yet still up chatting with Heay.  Hmm...  

--  I love being older, we gain confidence as we age.  At least for me.  It is also best to surround yourself with positive ppl, with ppl who is full of energy!  ^^  

-- okay okay closing up now.  Today is one of the few days that I didn't have the urge of turning on my laptop to see, tried to be IT-free best that I could.  Now now, blogging is an entire different reason to be here.  =p

Lang Tengah/ Nemo

If Hanging Bikini Tops was a shop, it woulda been shut down a looooong time ago!  ;)  What shop would only open once a month right?  LOL  Well thank god it isn't, a shop.  

Exactly one week ago, Jinn Lin, her sis, her sis bf and I went to Lang Tengah.  It was probably one of the best vacation I had so far.  I went into the jungle, "into" the ocean, waited for sea turtles to lay eggs on shore, and I even saw "blue sand".  =)  I had so much fun!  I did kayak and snorkeling for the very first time.  Never in my dreams thought I would kayak nor snorkel!  So yea, I'm pretty proud of me.  If y'all know me, I love the beach stuff but not so much water activities.  But this trip opened my eyes and my mind.  It also helps a lot that we had really awesome snorkeling guides, boatmen, whom also brought us for night jungle walk.  I almost saw sunrise too, but it requires a lil rock climbing so I said Nah forget bout it.  Hehehe.  

The snorkeling part is the most fascinating.  When I was submerged in the ocean, I was all alone with the nature, the under sea kingdom.  The ocean lives are vastly different from what we see on dry land.  The corals, the color of the fishes, shapes of lives underneath is breathtaking.  When the light rays shines through the sea, lighting up our lives.  We learned how to breathe in the water with proper equipment, how amazing!  When I was in the water, the whole world slows down.  As if only those creatures and god are watching me.  Scary at times but it is nonetheless good for my soul.  Being with the ocean livings, the impact of how we should love our one and only earth is much deeper.  You do not need a thousand books and commercials telling how to love our mother earth.  Go snorkeling once, and you'll know.  If the ocean is not within your arms reach, go see "Nemo" it is as close and as real as you can get.  Seriously.  The maker of "Nemo" has done an excellent job.  

We saw baby sharks and sea turtles, thanks to our snorkeling guide, Ad.  Yes his name is, just, AD.  

When I wasn't being bombarded by the awesomeness of mother nature.  I was surrounded with love, wholesome love.  Holding hands in the water, swimming away together.  Cradled by the hammock by the sea with him next to me.  Sharing/sitting on a rock by the beach watching the night glows.  Occasionally (twice for me) seeing shooting stars pass us by.  =)  How freakin romantic right!  Yea, I did all that.  What a trip!  Totally wasn't expecting it.  I should be going back very soon to see him again.  ^^  Just could not believe the magical things that happened on that island.  

Oh boy, I have so so many stories to tell.  Just wanna say, go experience it yourself, at least once.  Do not be afraid.  I went into the sea without a life vest on the second time around.  Might seem stupid to some of you, but the freedom you get without the restriction of a life vest is priceless.  I was paddling around in my bikini, flippers and mask.  If I could fly, I think that's what it would feel like.  Free and blissful.  

One month since the last time I wrote anything on here.  One month worth of stress and stress and stress.  It all went away the moment I jumped into the water.  This trip worth every single penny I paid for and I didn't even spend that much for it.  498MYR for E-very-thing!!!  Wanna know how much that is in USD?  Divide that with 3.5 (roughly) ;)

p.s.  I will think twice/thrice before I use another Ziplock Bag.  

Happiness

Is there such thing as "finishable" happiness?  I say/think YES.  

I was so happy and on cloud nine earlier today.  I was spending time with my family at starbucks, sippin on caffeine.  I didn't have to rush to go somewhere, to do something, I had all the time in a day.  I was so happy so close to being crazily happy.  Hehehe.

But it was a short lived happiness, or may I say, my happiness is finished.  I mean there are only so many times you could listen to your favorite song to boost your morale!  There are only that much satisfaction you get from playing Restaurant City on fb.  SO, where do I find happiness?  You may say, look from within.  Well, what if happiness doesn't exist within ME?  

I am so tired of looking and looking for somethings, someone (including myself) to make me happy.  Will it be okay to be not okay?  

Sometimes I feel like, (the one sitting high up in the sky/heaven) is pushing me to my limits.  He/she keeps pilling on s*** onto my already full plate! * I remember reading the new earth, in the book it says that if you could just acknowledge the unhappiness and do not try so hard to cover it or make it (unhappiness) go away, you will eventually be okay.*  I don't know how not to focus so much on being unhappy at times.  

Gosh, I am ranting, aren't I?  Without realizing it too.  Just thought I would talk about happiness.  And til this now, I don't have a point.  Is there any rules for say we have to be happy?  Of course, one won't be a pleasant company if he/she is sulking (or lashing out) ALL THE TIME.  But is it okay to be not okay?  

Sigh, guess one of the other reason for me to work out is I want to obtain happiness.  Physically yes I am going through restrictions and challenges every day.  Emotionally, the feeling is accomplishment is rewarding.        

Like seriously, what the hell am I rambling about?

My crush still remains as my crush.  

I am also impatiently waiting for the return of Paul from NY to Oki!  

Nope, Paul is not my crush.  If you've read my previous entries.  Paul is my long time friend.

Unusual weather and all

The breeze outside my window is heavenly.  Soft and warm.  But is this a sign of rain?  Rain or (moon) shine, I wanna move my lounge chair out to the middle of my mom's garden and soak up all the goodness god gives.  =)  

Today was a busy day as usual.  I gave my all so that made me feel good.  

I have a crush on someone.  :p  Never felt this way for someone.  NEVER.

Errmm, he doesn't know about it.  =)  And I'd like to keep it that way for now.  Let me enjoy the feeling of "crushing" on someone.  Oh, that someone, put a smile on my face every single time I see him.  I like  ;)  

I was insulted, tonight, through a phone, by a son of a bitch.  His name is N.V. A. P** H***.  Allow me to say this, he is a fucking ass-wipe piece of shitty-shit son of a fuckin biatch!  There I said it!  I was so angry, my face was burning red (told by my coworker) and I cried.  Because of that ass wipe!  I felt threatened then, as if I was talking to a drunk mob.  Awful experience.  

Fell in love with another Rihanna's song ~Hatin on the club~  =D  

Finally, I kept up with working out.  I could run two small rounds without stopping, some kind achievement for me, considering I never include running as my exercise routine.  Something to be proud of  ;)  hahahaha  Pray for me for additional strength and determination.  

It is 1225am  I should clock out now.

Dreams I had

Numerous occasions I dreamt of the blue ocean.  How the ocean smells like in memory and in my dreams....

I wanna work towards making one of my dreams come true.  Which to live in a city next to the sea.  Now, I don't know where this place is.  I'm sure I'll find it one day.  I don't think it'll be Hawaii.  Coz hawaii is not big enough of a city for me.  ;)  

Boy, I wanna just go back to bed, back to my sweet dream of the sea and the sand....  Ocean mist, ocean's blue and green makes me feel alive.

Another...

Another pothole that hurts me like a mo-fo.

When I thought I could stand up and keep walking forward...  well I thought wrong.  

One's happiness could turn into my sore sore sore...

Since when that was ok?  Disgusted.

Plans have been made, lives that have been brought into this world...  

I, feel, inadequate for any of it.  

Something needs to be done.  But could it?  

Wee hours, pages and pages of pages were browsed through...

Searching, longing for a sense of, a sense of...

Wee hours, reading a beautiful poem from an old friend...

He titled it "Questioning the Question"

Sadness slowly creeps in.

Could it be a sense of sadness I was longing for?  Searching for?

Fresh tears are warm

The beating heart though, has lost its warmth a while back.

A microwave might be handy for me, if you know what I mean...

Another rainy season that dampens my mood.

Sigh.

Just wanna stop look listen

to my life.

My feet has been on the run. I hadn't had time to stop and look around. and to look into what's going on in my life... Feels like always on the go. Feels like I always have to rush somewhere. Feels like time isn't enough. For someone this might sounds ok, or good even. But it is not a good thing when there isn't enough time to properly finish a meal. It is not a good thing when I have to finish my lunch in front of a computer screen. I don't know, I haven't listen to the inner me. When I could finally pause for the end of the day, it was time for bed. :)

On the side:

I have two MEs. The new me and the old me. The new me is in my body, the one would wake up early every morning for a work out. The old me, which is in my mind, asking me why on earth would you wake up so early and loses precious sleep??? Even when I'm walking and breathing in new air, the old me would still bugging me about waking up early. Guess I can say it's a constant struggle between the old and new me. Just like today, if it wasn't because of heay, the old me would totally win the battle! Sunday morning right? Normal ppl would sleep in today, but not us. We got our asses up for a work out. hehehe thanks heay!

You guys I bought something really cute at the mall this afternoon. I wanna show it here. ;) I'm totally excited over owning this thing. You might have seen this toy in the mall or in someone else's car. The purpose of me buying this is for the calming effect it has on me. I thought I'd place it in my car so I won't get pissed off so easily while driving... BUTTTTTTTT this baby doesn't work in my car!!!!!! sigh. So now it is sitting on my desk as I'm typing away on this blog. =) The two leaves will move up down up down when it is exposed to sunlight or regular lights... =D I am so happy just talking about it. hehehehe

Since I've showed you somethin cute. I want you to see something really gross. hahahahah

You see the freakin cuts on my index finger???????? I got em during the weekend in Seremban where we worked more than 14 hours a day... I got it while preparing 800 welcome packs for our participants.

Guys, I thought this was gonna be a sentimental post... But it turned out with pictures and things and NOT quite that emo~ly.

Bored

Kekeke I stole this from one of those FB tag game.  Just coz I'm bored that's why I wanna do this!  Don't worry, I ain't gonna tag in anyway shape or form.  ;)

48 things about me!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
few days ago.  oh yea, last friday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
LOL  ask anyone... I hate my handwriting.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT
I'm a lacto-ovo 

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
nope

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I totally would, coz I'm caring, I'm understanding, I give free hugs.  Who wouldn't wanna be my friend?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
sometimes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yea

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
yes yes yes!!!  bring me?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
bran & raisins.  Tho I hate raisins.  Ill still love you!!!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Gosh, who does that?

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
chocolate, the darker, the better  ;)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
ze hands.  you got a ring on?

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
white, lavender

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
stubbornness.  But that's also one of the things I love about me...  

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

not only one person.  I got TONS whom I miss....  you know you are tho.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Nah, I just did this for fun.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black shorts.  bare feet.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Khalil Fong.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Ocean.  It makes me feel alive.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Babe

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
n/a

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football NOT soccer.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Black

28. EYE COLOR?
Dark brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nah

30. FAVORITE FOODS?
mama made

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both yo

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED
Pathology, a complete waste of time

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
green tank top

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer DUH!  It allows me to be in two piece and hang out with my fav girl.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kiss kiss 

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
n/a

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
n/a

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Clutter and Butt and Fat  LOL

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
secret

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
didn't get to watch =( 

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
hmmmm

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
neither either

44. Where is the farthest you have been?
errrr

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
ain't got none

46 WHERE WERE U BORN
Ee to the Poh

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
n/a

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
least expected 

I had a point. I did.

I had a point, last night.  Thoughts flashing through my mind when I was half asleep.  I knew exactly what to say in this blog.

But now, I lost it all.  All I hear is the new thoughts in my head.  All I hear is the new songs on my playlist.  What prompted all these thoughts in my mind?  

This morning I got to work, I saw this look my coworker's face.  I asked, what's wrong?  He said today is the worst day of my life...  I asked, what happened?  He told me everything.  As he was telling me why...  all the old creepy feelings just came back to me.  It's non other than relationships challenges.  It gives me goose bumps.  I said to him no matter how many times we've been a relationship, no matter how many times we encounter heart breaks, the feeling will always be the same.  

Your heart is at the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle, no where to be found.  Your mind is occupied by so so many what ifs, what if he'd never done so, what if I'd never said that.  Your can't smile even if Russell Peters was on tv, you feel as if winter is never gonna turn into spring...  

Sometimes you'll ask yourself.  Dude, what the hell have I done to deserve this?  Yea, until this day.  I don't have an answer for that.  

Was talking to an old friend last night.  He brought me back down memory lane.  How we met was the funniest thing.  We still talk about it.  We still remember exactly how it happened.  lol.  It's a good laugh for the both of us.  You probably wouldn't believe we've only met twice since 2004.  No one remember how we became such close friends.  Ah~ I lied.  I still remember how I would call him up during the cold days in Chicago while I was waiting for my train home at Union Station.  How he would holla to see how I was doing with the bf (at that time).  Come to think of it.  The most memorable phone conversations took place during the coldest days in Chicago...  hahahha  Also during my Hawaii days.  Our communication was limited to only emails because he was out in the sea.  Cheers to good friends  ;)

Gettin late here.  This evening is pretty fruitful.  Get to chat with babe for ONE hour!!!  He has some decision to make which I am in no condition to help nor offer any suggestions.  He wants to buy a house!  

Half Assed

Something's over due.  Like putting up a new entry here.

And also blasting my Bose to my favorite party songs.  

Speaking of songs.  I got myself a new playlist on mEepod.  I got: cookie jar, mad, love remains the same, if i was a boy ft. R. Kelly (don't like the version without R Kels), how do you sleep, give me a try by Sizzla, where do you want me to put it, everybody knows, blame it, rockin that thang.  Some of it are new songs, some are old that I dug out from my old playlists. ;)  There are a few songs highly recommended!  They are in red.

~~~

Goofy things aside.  I have been psyching myself to get up early every morning and follow my mom to go for walks.  Past few weeks I was depressed.  Couldn't bring myself to get up early in the morning.  The only reason that made me get up is work.  Coz I HAD to.  I felt like I was losing control of everything.  I mean what good is your life when you have no motivation to get up in the morning, everyday???  I got to a point where I know Imma be so miserable and ppl around me is gon hate me for being so negative...  So I decided to do something about it.  First was to quit caffeine.  And it was done.  Not easy but DONE.  Now, it is waking up early.  I'm talking about 7am during weekdays and 630am during weekends.  I feel better as the days go by...  Getting up early allows me to have more time for things.  

~~~

Totally distracted from finishing this entry.  Coz a girlfriend of mine needed to talk.  She's all the way in Vegas...  So I need to give her time.  Poor thing.  I shall continue some other time.

Who did you hug today?

I miss hugging ppl.  I miss the feeling of being wrapped around by someone's arms...

The ppl who I hug these days are less than the number of fingers on my right hand.

The person I hugged most is none other than my baby sister.  :)

Well you can say that hugging friends and family is not a culture in Malaysia.  I was watching the last episode of The Gem of Life with my mom tonight.  There were a few hugging scenes, yes it was just acting but it reminds me that eastern asians don't give real hugs or what some ppl would say "bear hug".  I love hugging ppl.  Just that I can't go around hugging ppl here.  So who do I get to hug besides mei?  They are my two beloved coworkers and Effa.  Yup that is it!  I get to hug Effa is coz we both understands the hugging "culture" lol.  

I miss me some heart felt hugs.  

I miss me some warm and fuzzy hugs.  

I miss those hugs that could tell you so long as you're in my arms, you're okay... 

When I was in Hawaii, not only did we get hugs, we also get a kiss on the cheek during greetings from almost everyone.  Yea... even the cute guy who is NOT your man.  Hehehe

You know when I say hugs, it doesn't solely meant for opposite gender.  Even hugs from my good friends could mean the world to me.  yup.  I love hugs.  =)  So the next time you see me, don't be afraid to give me a hug.  Well unless you're extremely allergic to human contact!

Rossa -- Aku Bukan Untukmu

I saw this song's video on Heay's blog. Following is the lyrics to the song...

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Such a beautiful sad song. When I have more time, I'll try to translate it. ;) Now, if you wanna check out this MV go to Heay's blog then!

Bits and pieces

Today started out ok, but it ended leaving me all warm and fuzzy.  I remember when my brother and I were still young, my dad would drive us into town on sunday nights (back then KL wasn't so crowded with ppl and cars and polluted air) to see tall buildings and lights...  He probably had known that we didn't want our weekends to end and that we resent going to school the next day.  So that was his way of taking our minds off school for a little while.  My brother and I appreciated it even though we didn't know how to tell my dad so.  =)  Those were countless sunday nights that brother and I enjoyed, same town, same lights and the same buildings...   

Just like old days, we went downtown for dinner somewhere around Jln Pudu.  It was the same feeling I had on our way home, there were laughters, there were chattering in the very same city.  =)  On top of sunday nights, my dad would also take us out if either of us is having an exam the next day!  Cool eh?  

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ice cream Ice cream Ice cream was totally on my mind today.  Part of the reason, weather being so damn hot.  When we got home from dinner, brother, mei and I went right back out, to Mid Valley to get I SCREAM.  Specifically Haagen Dazs baby!  It almost never happened where we would go all the way to MV just to get ice cream, it's all fun, it's all good.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Though life is definitely moving forward.  But I can't stop a lot of old feelings and memories from coming back.  Esp of certain ppl and certain places.  Those who have loved me and those who have once dissolved me into pieces.  A city that had given me so so many wonderful memories...  Guys please let me say it, I MISS CHICAGO LIKE CRAZY.  If Chicago was a person, I wanna say that my love for Chicago will never ever change (don't tell me never say never, I don't buy that).  And Chicago would probably thinks I'm stalking her.  ;)  It's February, still pretty cold over there.  I heard it was snowing on Valentine's Day.  There are a few ppl I wanna shout out to, Nancy, Evvy, Elyna, Flor, Daisy and Alicia!  I love you girls.  And Erin, take good care coz the future is still awaiting.  Love you very very much darlin!  I could go on and on and on about Chicago, I'll spare you from all that today. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Also wanna thank Heay for coming by even though she's still not feelin very well.  =)  I enjoy hanging out with you cuz!  

Never have I

... felt so disappointed at work, from work and about work.  I mean never, not even when I was in Chicago.  

It is a feeling no one deserves.  I'd like to think that I'm doing my best, giving my all to work.  To a point where I don't think I have a life.  Today, both my boys were called for a meeting and I was alone jaga-ing the counter.  The meeting lasted, ohh, forever.  When they were back from the meeting, they wouldn't tell me what was discussed.  Until finally I forced one of them to.

Him:  Your boss said starting from now, on the last saturday of the month, all three of us have to work from 1030 to 730.

Me:  Fucking shit, I couldn't believe this.

Him: Yea, we'll be paid only 50 bucks for that.

Me:  You gotta be kidding me!!!!!

Him:  ...

Me: I can't believe this shit.

A little bit of the background.  We started rotating on saturdays that at least one of us will be in the office from only 3-6.  AND on every third saturday of the week, we have an all day event elsewhere.  So basically, we were already working two sats of every month.  NOW, they gon make us work three sats!!!!  I AM EFFIN PISSED.  The four words are the least to describe how I feel right now.  

Neways, I can't help it but called my mother.  I practically screamed into her poor ear telling her how angry I am, how disappointed I am.  I know I know, I know what's behind the whole effin ordeal.  The economics bad right now, so they are milking us the best they could.  My mama managed to calm my hot tempered self.  Don't let me get started on bonuses and increments.  These two words do fucking not exist in my boss's dictionary!!!!!

I can accept if you don't wanna pay us more for whatever reasons.  I do.  But *boss* could at least treat us with more respect.  Don't treat us like animals as if we don't have feelings, as if we don't need time for ourselves.  We are totally under paid (yes I said it).  And now, *boss* wants to start working us like fucking dogs.  Damn, did I tell you how angry am I?

I will take on my mother's advice which is to start looking for another job!  Wish me luck.  I do not respect anyone who doesn't respect me and my boys.  From now on, like hell I'm gonna give my 100% at work and do to this shitty ass job. 

 

     

How are you?

Today is the 20th day of the first month of this year.  In about six days, it'll be the first day of the year in lunar calendar.  Everything is happening way too fast.  Like now, almost the end of Jan, almost pay day too!  Then comes St. Valentine's Day.  Then comes our company's March event.  damn.  

Ahem.  I think I'm just gonna leave it like this.  I thought I have tons to say, but when I re-evaluate what I was gonna say.  I said nah.  It will be another emotional-feelings-crap-spill.  Better not do it eh?  =)  The only reason why I'm still up at 1230am is coz my hair is still damp.  I can't go to bed with damp hair.  So I shall keep going on and on about how I have nothing to blog about. LOL.  I really am trying to fulfill my new years resolution, which is to keep positive energy flowing.  Hence, too many complaints is no good for my energy.  Ya know?  

Guess what I should do is to email a couple of peeps.

Good night for now.  

Playin Dirty

Someone plays dirty to get what they want, to get what other ppl get by working very hard.  

Someone played dirty.  I couldn't get over it.  Until Hanafi say "ppl would do anything to get money".  

I thought but what makes these ppl that extra special to be able to play dirty?  We have terms and conditions.  That "someone" went above and beyond these rules to get fame, rank and money.  I despise them.  Yea they didn't kill.  Yea they didn't harm.  But is it fair for those who play by the rules???  (yea you're about to start telling me the world is unfair, bite me!)

Would love to ask this someone, how proud is he to get this big pay check this month by cheating his way up???     

Would love to ask this someone, how do you tell your children not to cheat during exams and in life???  When you're another big fat liar.  

Would love to ask this someone, how do you stand in front of your team telling them the "ways" to make money in this business while you're making YOUR money some other way???

Damn, talking about it makes me feel yucky.  If you don't have a clue of what I'm sayin it's cool.  It is always better not knowing anyways.  Just wanna have a place to vent.  I'm over it. 

Curry Puff vs Samosa

Wait wait!  Before I get into that...  How bout some updates?

I had a cuppa coffee this afternoon. Oops.  A nice cup of Hazelnut White Coffee on ice. Mmm...

That's why I'm still don't feel sleepy.  In front of me right now, there is a cup of soluble fiber, I'm waiting for it to thickens before consuming.  Coz that's how I like it.  =)  

Work is still as crazy (nothing new here & this is NOT an update).  I was stuck on a phone call with a pissed off aunty for 45 mins.  Simply because the only CS who speaks mandarin is ME.  She wouldn't stop complaining about how horrible and sucky my company is.  Hmm...  Yet, she's still willing to waste her precious time to tell me about how bad everything is, while she could have look for a new source of income.  Ok.

Relationship, in general.  Everything is gravy.  I love how things are working out right now.  Mutual understanding, and the getting-to-know-each-other is going pretty good.  I saw Four Christmases with Effa this past Sunday.  This movie solidifies the fact that all of us (including you who's reading) NEEDs to know and understand each other for the benefit in the long run!  I've told babe to see this movie when the opportunity arises.  =)  Babe told me a joke this morning.  I thought it was pretty funny.  

Babe: As you know French love eating slugs and snails. 

Me: yea... and?

Babe:  What tells you about French knowing they love to eat slugs and snails? 

Me:  Errr they like it slow???

Babe:  You're getting there... c'mon.  If they like slugs angd snails, what don't they like?

Me:  Errr I don't know....  The food is very slow???

Babe:  Almost there

Me:  OH YEA!!!!  FRENCH HATE FAST FOODS!!!!  *lol*

Babe:  *lol*  there you go!     

Babe told me a second joke, but I thought it was too lame so I wouldn't shower you with lame jokes.  

Woookay, I'm too far off from my Curry Puff vs *Samosa.

I had Samosa this evening as snack, I've always loved Samosa.  Coz as a Malaysian, I'm used to having Curry Puffs.  But when I was living in Hawaii and Chicago, there ain't no such thing as Curry Puffs unless you know how to make em yourself.  Therefore, my next best option would be Samosa.  HA.  They tasted very much alike to me.  So so, as I was eating my Samosa, a thought popped into my head, hmm..  maybe I should blog about it.  The first step I did was to wiki both Samosa and Curry Puff.  Following are my findings:

Samosa 

~ A stuffed pastry

~ Usually stuffed with spiced potatoes, onion, peas and coriander

~ Believed it is originated from Central Asia

~ Triangular OR Tetrahedron shaped

~ I believe it's deep-fried

Curry Puff (karipap)

~ A stuffed pastry

~ Usual ingredients are curry powder, chicken and potatoes, and sometimes half boiled egg

~ Of Malay origin

~ Semicircle shaped

~ Definitely deep-fried!

As you may see why both taste very much a like!   This is not a huge discovery of some common foods, just that I wonder how different are they.  And I got my answers!  =)  I hope you did too.  Of course, you may do more research on this by google-ing the authentic recipes for both Curry Puff and Samosa.  I suggest www.foodnetwork.com they got tons of recipes there.

Until next time.  

Good night.

* samosa always sounds like Samoa to me, for some reasons.  lol

First complaint of the year!!!! Already.

Yo, logging into Gmail using Maxis Broadband is pain in the ASS!!!!  I don't know bout you guys, but I've been having this problem for like a week now.  Sheesh kebab!  

That's all I wanna complain about.

SO, how is your new year thus far?  I am still feeling the spirit and energy of a new year.  Watch out guys, before you know it, 2009 is gon slip through your fingers like 2008 did.  =)  I don't have big goals for this year (and I'm perfectly fine with it), I just wanna stay on my job for a steady period of time and give the best I can while I'm on it.  Well whatever comes along this year would be a bonus...  My brother is coming home next thursday, I wouldn't be able to pick him up.  Sigh.  I love the airport, LOVE going to the airport.  It gives me hope.  It reminds me of how far us human being has come to this day, flying all over places for work and play.  Flying has allow us to reunite with our loved ones in a day time or two as compare to 3 months when they were traveling by boat back in the days.  Babe asked me the yesterday when I'll be visiting, he'll pay for everything, I didn't have an answer.  Due to, of course, my work.  Huh, that's besides the point.  

Anyways, I am fortunate enough to have been to several airports.  Like O'hare, KLIA, Honolulu, LAX, Incheon, Narita, and etc.  I would rate O'hare as the best, Incheon the second, KLIA third.  (you're entitled to your own opinion)  It is quite hard for me to pick between O'hare and Incheon coz they are BOTH very very good.  Incheon airport is fairly new, everyone who works there are friendly, airport is well kept and CLEAN.  *Narita has designated "rooms" for smokers!!*  Not sure about Incheon if they have such facilities.  O'hare is HUGE and the home of United Airlines ;)  Though it's big, everything in there is systematic and well-organized.  I'm a EXTREMELY impatient person, I can tell ya, O'hare gave me no reasons to bitch and moan.  LOL.

I had my traveling fun last year to Gold Coast, hence my next trip will not be anytime soon.  If you wanna hang out with me, you gotta come to Malaysia!  Truly Asia. 

=)

Very like and unlike me. oh and Happy 2009!

It is very unlike me to not blog about memorable events.

It is also very like me to not blog about memorable events.

May I say that 2008 ended with a bang, not literally of course.

2009 started with a bang! too, again not literally.

Let me ramble.  Work is going to be very very challenging.  How can you sell things when you have no things to sell?  I don't wanna go too much into it (you'll never know who's reading).  But That's what I meant by "started with a bang!"  

Been feeling worn out lately.  My head can't seem to stop spinning, with or without coffee.  My body is hungry for unnecessary sleeps and rests.  Is this what they call stress?  haha.

There are nothing more I could ask for for the new year and my birthday.  I have, enough.  And enough is good enough for me, as the number of my age keeps getting bigger...    

Speaking of which, I'm pretty lucky to have several celebration occassions for my birthday.  Numero Uno, Dinner at Italiannies with Jinn Lin, Lan Yin and Yin Tin (friends since 12/13 years old).  Two, Lunch at Yogi Tree with the fam.  Thank you for taking time out to spend my birthday with me ;).  Three, today (1/3/09) I'm meeting Effa for dinner at Marche.  I really can't wait!!!!  Cuatro, boss said, we might have a get together soon to celebrate.  Muahahahah.  One last one, I'll be meeting up with shiying on monday for lunch at the Pav.  She's an old time friend of mine, not high school old, but local college old.  =P  What ppl said is really true. YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.  Can't always have it all.  

If you can remember I mentioned something about hoping and wishing for something in my previous blog?  Yea, I got it.  Somethings are sitting in my room right now.  I am so not telling what are they but just be happy for me ok?  =)  

Ppl spoke of New Years resolution.  I told them I didn't have time to put thoughts into it.  In the end, I just have one.  KEEP POSITIVE ENERGY FLOWING.  Yup, just that.  =)

I am grateful.