Just wateva

How many times do you have to reach a breaking point to actually break?  And if you didn't break after that point it wouldn't be considered as breaking point would it?  

I just realized sometimes we cannot fit someone or somethings in our fantasy into our real world.  Sometimes, what we found in our fantasies is better off remain in our fantasies.  After having to realize that, I am more at ease with myself and everything else.  

If you just assume everyone is horrible from get go then you wouldn't be disappointed further.  Seriously, no one is an angel in this world.  Someone is always doing something (good or bad) to benefit themselves, nothin wrong with that coz we're oh-so human beings.

Well if you are too nice to assume everyone is horrible, there is another way you could do.  Set your expectations REAL LOW.  Ha.

I have a good 5 days off and I don't know what to do with it, yet.  I'm thinking somewhere with blue ocean and white sand.  Who wants to go chill with me???  August 12th-16th.

My hair is real frizzy and wavy.  Should I do something about it?  OR let it be and have every other person who sees me tells me I like a lion?  Hmmm

I am more of a patience person now.  

While I am helping everyone else's dream come true, am I also making mine come true?  A blue bird outside of my window tells me he heard not.  

Currently reading The Secret Life of Bees.  uggh...  I'm looking at my hair again.

Where is my passion?

Been thinking about this since forever...  Gotta sit down and plan.  NOT wedding. 

I got stories to tell but ain't in any kind of mood to tell them.

Cycles

I go through em like a dutifully hamster.  Never asking why.  Can't remember if I've told about me quitting caffeine.  It worked before when I was living a less stressful life.  It is not quite working now coz I need caffeine to get me through the day, my day.  Ermm...  my cycles go like this:

1.  Waking up late in the ams, mentally preparing myself for a caffeine-less day.

2.  Doing rather well up until around 1 in the pms.  Sometimes I can't even get pass 12noon.

3.  Feeling like a walking zombie.

4.  Struggling like a mad woman inside of my brain debating if I should have that cuppa damn coffee.

5.  Giving up.

6.  Feeling wired up after the feeding of my addiction.

7.  Crashing down around 7-8pm.

8.  Swearing to myself that I wouldn't have coffee again because I'd toss and turn at night OR still up blogging at 1234am.  Also, going to bed late means getting up late. MEANS, I'll miss my exercising session.

9.  Repeat from 1-8.

I know I know it is all in the head.  Sigh.  

p.s.  Was totally distracted for about 30mins talking on the phone with effa.  It is her burfday today so a shout out goes to you my love!    

Milo and MSN

People drink coffee and tea amongst some other drinkable drinks.  But us Malaysians love Milo.  When I saw that 1.5kg bag of Milo sitting in our pantry at the office...  I realized we love Milo, coz it's comforting.  We had it when we were little kids.  A scoop of powdered milk, two scoops of Milo, add hot water and it was heavenly.  Then we get older, we'll go out to mamak and we order Milo-ice (powdered milk has been replaced by sweetened condensed milk).  Until now, I still love having Milo anytime of the day...  But I no longer add in sweetened condensed milk nor powdered milk.  Well, occasionally we add Nescafe to our Milo to create what ppl call Nes-lo... Cool eh?  

Realized one thing that hasn't changed throughout our years?

Eli (my Mexican friend) could not stand the fact that I could drink Milo day and night, rain or shine.  Coz to her chocolate-y drinks are only for kids and special occasions and beer is definitely a better beverage!  LOL.  

Changes changes, we love it we're also afraid of it.  

About 6 or 7 years ago, I'd stay in touch with friends using MSN.  Soon as I log onto MSN after getting back from classes, I'll see many many little green/blue man on my contact list.  And usually I will chat with most of them, if not all, some even live just down the hall.  These past three years I haven't log onto MSN as often as I used to.  I guess my mode of communication has altered, so is others.  Or as we grew older, we learned that a lot of ppl whom we called friends are no longer our friends.  Or as adults, we are more selective as to who we called friends.  =)  Whatever reasons we believe in, the truth is, there are just not many green/blue little man showin up on our contact list anymore...  Seriously, it is kinda depressing coz it is getting to a point where I am okay with not having a lot of friends.  I will always be grateful for the friends who have walked with me through certain paths of my life.  The friends who chose to walk a different path, I'm fine with it too.  No longer feeling that sense of lost that I speak of often, in my previous blog entries.      

Cheers to Milo, a good farewell to MSN!

p.s.  Milo is like hot cocoa and then some.  ;)

Too lazy to string em together

-- Peeps!  I'm ready!  I wanna be back into the game... of working out.  =D  My workout regime has been put on hold since I went on my vacation and sickness/weakness whole of last week.  Bleh.  Such a weak ass I tell ya.  SO, tomorrow will be a big day for me, I told ma, I gotta start from zero again... Stamina, determination and such  =(  

--  If I haven't already done so, would like to give a big hand to Facebook.  Because of it, I get to "see" the world through my friends' eyes.  Those who were fortunate to travel to different parts of the world or even just different parts of my country  =D  I thank you Facebook!  

--  How close do you have to be to someone?  To be able to feel someone's sorrow and restlessness.  For some reason, I feel (already) connected to someone whom I just met.  He did too.  Just like a few days ago, I was having a bad day, when I spoke to him on the phone he told me he was uneasy whole of that day too.  And today, he was having a bad day (but feel MUCH better after hearing my voice), it was my turn to feel restless.  Hmm... 

--  My back is starting to peel.  Will start wearing makeup again coz I'm not sick anymore!  I feel gorgeous!  Hardly need alcohol to feel happy this past two years.  Muahahaha!

--   Oh yea, I am thankful for health screening tests.  I now know for sure my cholesterol and LDL is on the high end.  Will do my best to bring em down like my dad did!  Go DAD!  Watch out for eggy, buttery, oily and tasty foods.  LOL

--  Enjoying the new love/lust package.  Feel like a million bucks all the time coz someone always tell me how much he misses me.  =p  I don't care if me and him is/isn't gonna turn into anything, just wanna enjoy it as much as I can now.

--  I had an image flashed through my mind yesterday.  The image of me being at my mother's age... 50-ish.  I was like damn.  Time is flying by at the speed of light, we better be present now, be aware before we look back at our lives and say shit I shoulda done this this and that!  My ma told me this the other day, she said:  We have plenty of time to sleep/rest when we're really really old, so before it's too late we gotta move more (be active) now!  Smart mother.

--  Seriously, I can't stop thinking about him.  I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face.  

--  I have not read a good book in a long time.  Got so much to do Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturday.  Can't choose between hanging out with fam and friends or hide out to read a book.  Susah lah.  Or sometimes I will forgo the idea of catching a movie, afraid to lose my day off spending two hours in the movies instead of two hours with human beings who loves me.  

--  Stomach is growling.  j.o.e. is on my current playlist, love him!  Knowing I have to be in bed by now.  Yet still up chatting with Heay.  Hmm...  

--  I love being older, we gain confidence as we age.  At least for me.  It is also best to surround yourself with positive ppl, with ppl who is full of energy!  ^^  

-- okay okay closing up now.  Today is one of the few days that I didn't have the urge of turning on my laptop to see, tried to be IT-free best that I could.  Now now, blogging is an entire different reason to be here.  =p

Lang Tengah/ Nemo

If Hanging Bikini Tops was a shop, it woulda been shut down a looooong time ago!  ;)  What shop would only open once a month right?  LOL  Well thank god it isn't, a shop.  

Exactly one week ago, Jinn Lin, her sis, her sis bf and I went to Lang Tengah.  It was probably one of the best vacation I had so far.  I went into the jungle, "into" the ocean, waited for sea turtles to lay eggs on shore, and I even saw "blue sand".  =)  I had so much fun!  I did kayak and snorkeling for the very first time.  Never in my dreams thought I would kayak nor snorkel!  So yea, I'm pretty proud of me.  If y'all know me, I love the beach stuff but not so much water activities.  But this trip opened my eyes and my mind.  It also helps a lot that we had really awesome snorkeling guides, boatmen, whom also brought us for night jungle walk.  I almost saw sunrise too, but it requires a lil rock climbing so I said Nah forget bout it.  Hehehe.  

The snorkeling part is the most fascinating.  When I was submerged in the ocean, I was all alone with the nature, the under sea kingdom.  The ocean lives are vastly different from what we see on dry land.  The corals, the color of the fishes, shapes of lives underneath is breathtaking.  When the light rays shines through the sea, lighting up our lives.  We learned how to breathe in the water with proper equipment, how amazing!  When I was in the water, the whole world slows down.  As if only those creatures and god are watching me.  Scary at times but it is nonetheless good for my soul.  Being with the ocean livings, the impact of how we should love our one and only earth is much deeper.  You do not need a thousand books and commercials telling how to love our mother earth.  Go snorkeling once, and you'll know.  If the ocean is not within your arms reach, go see "Nemo" it is as close and as real as you can get.  Seriously.  The maker of "Nemo" has done an excellent job.  

We saw baby sharks and sea turtles, thanks to our snorkeling guide, Ad.  Yes his name is, just, AD.  

When I wasn't being bombarded by the awesomeness of mother nature.  I was surrounded with love, wholesome love.  Holding hands in the water, swimming away together.  Cradled by the hammock by the sea with him next to me.  Sharing/sitting on a rock by the beach watching the night glows.  Occasionally (twice for me) seeing shooting stars pass us by.  =)  How freakin romantic right!  Yea, I did all that.  What a trip!  Totally wasn't expecting it.  I should be going back very soon to see him again.  ^^  Just could not believe the magical things that happened on that island.  

Oh boy, I have so so many stories to tell.  Just wanna say, go experience it yourself, at least once.  Do not be afraid.  I went into the sea without a life vest on the second time around.  Might seem stupid to some of you, but the freedom you get without the restriction of a life vest is priceless.  I was paddling around in my bikini, flippers and mask.  If I could fly, I think that's what it would feel like.  Free and blissful.  

One month since the last time I wrote anything on here.  One month worth of stress and stress and stress.  It all went away the moment I jumped into the water.  This trip worth every single penny I paid for and I didn't even spend that much for it.  498MYR for E-very-thing!!!  Wanna know how much that is in USD?  Divide that with 3.5 (roughly) ;)

p.s.  I will think twice/thrice before I use another Ziplock Bag.  

Happiness

Is there such thing as "finishable" happiness?  I say/think YES.  

I was so happy and on cloud nine earlier today.  I was spending time with my family at starbucks, sippin on caffeine.  I didn't have to rush to go somewhere, to do something, I had all the time in a day.  I was so happy so close to being crazily happy.  Hehehe.

But it was a short lived happiness, or may I say, my happiness is finished.  I mean there are only so many times you could listen to your favorite song to boost your morale!  There are only that much satisfaction you get from playing Restaurant City on fb.  SO, where do I find happiness?  You may say, look from within.  Well, what if happiness doesn't exist within ME?  

I am so tired of looking and looking for somethings, someone (including myself) to make me happy.  Will it be okay to be not okay?  

Sometimes I feel like, (the one sitting high up in the sky/heaven) is pushing me to my limits.  He/she keeps pilling on s*** onto my already full plate! * I remember reading the new earth, in the book it says that if you could just acknowledge the unhappiness and do not try so hard to cover it or make it (unhappiness) go away, you will eventually be okay.*  I don't know how not to focus so much on being unhappy at times.  

Gosh, I am ranting, aren't I?  Without realizing it too.  Just thought I would talk about happiness.  And til this now, I don't have a point.  Is there any rules for say we have to be happy?  Of course, one won't be a pleasant company if he/she is sulking (or lashing out) ALL THE TIME.  But is it okay to be not okay?  

Sigh, guess one of the other reason for me to work out is I want to obtain happiness.  Physically yes I am going through restrictions and challenges every day.  Emotionally, the feeling is accomplishment is rewarding.        

Like seriously, what the hell am I rambling about?

My crush still remains as my crush.  

I am also impatiently waiting for the return of Paul from NY to Oki!  

Nope, Paul is not my crush.  If you've read my previous entries.  Paul is my long time friend.

Unusual weather and all

The breeze outside my window is heavenly.  Soft and warm.  But is this a sign of rain?  Rain or (moon) shine, I wanna move my lounge chair out to the middle of my mom's garden and soak up all the goodness god gives.  =)  

Today was a busy day as usual.  I gave my all so that made me feel good.  

I have a crush on someone.  :p  Never felt this way for someone.  NEVER.

Errmm, he doesn't know about it.  =)  And I'd like to keep it that way for now.  Let me enjoy the feeling of "crushing" on someone.  Oh, that someone, put a smile on my face every single time I see him.  I like  ;)  

I was insulted, tonight, through a phone, by a son of a bitch.  His name is N.V. A. P** H***.  Allow me to say this, he is a fucking ass-wipe piece of shitty-shit son of a fuckin biatch!  There I said it!  I was so angry, my face was burning red (told by my coworker) and I cried.  Because of that ass wipe!  I felt threatened then, as if I was talking to a drunk mob.  Awful experience.  

Fell in love with another Rihanna's song ~Hatin on the club~  =D  

Finally, I kept up with working out.  I could run two small rounds without stopping, some kind achievement for me, considering I never include running as my exercise routine.  Something to be proud of  ;)  hahahaha  Pray for me for additional strength and determination.  

It is 1225am  I should clock out now.