Say goodbye to Cityville.

What would we be without goals, big or small. Goals, beside being goals, could also be like milestones for some of us.

I am into facebook online games, like Restaurant City and Cityville, and Empire Avenue (you get to buy and sell your friends). These games, in order to pull you in and make you keep playing them, they keep giving you missions and goals to accomplish. You could really get sucked into these games... :) I am one of them. But few days ago, I started feeling tired of it, what is the purpose of me fulfilling these "virtual" goals when I can make and achieve real goals in real life?! So I have decided to quit playing.

Without goals in life, we would be living our lives blindly and just living through motions... And one day we realized we are about to leave this earth and we hadn't done anything meaningful or at least meaningful in our own terms.

I know what I wanted to express is more than these few words here but I don't have the vocab to elaborate 'em further. It is how I feel at that moment, that is still so profound to me.

What can I do for you?

That would be what I said after I answered a call with "Hello", I can't help it. Or if I didn't say that, it would be "How may I help you?". Even if its a phone call from family or friends. As if when they call me, is to ask for help or something. I caught myself doing so a while now... I don't know if they feel offended? I don't know if I'm coming off as "hurry up and say what you're calling me for" "rude" "impatient" etc. Shucks! Like tonight, my mother called, asking me where I'm at and what not, I asked her what can I do for you. Turns out, she did wanted me to get some snacks for my sister. Haha.

I really can't help it.

With my line of work as Customer Service, that's all I do. Asking whoever that we've come across at work, how may I help? What can I do? My brain doesn't differentiate between a work phone and a cellphone. Heck! Even some work related people be calling up my cell. lol.

This being said, I sometimes feel that my sole purpose on this earth is to 'serve', if you will, not in the holy or godly kind. But serving nonetheless. I don't even know if they are related: the way I answered my phone calls and 'serving'.

.................................

Saw a comment today. It says, and I quote "I'm not God, but I can tell you we weren't put here on earth to sit behind a desk."

At first, this jumps out at me as a very cocky comment. I am a little offended coz I AM working a "behind the desk" kinda job. The more I think about it, I got even more upset. Simply because the person who says this may have a luxurious life that most people don't. Like me, I do not have the luxury to not work, and just so happened I chose the "behind the desk" kind. Seriously, if it weren't for the "behind the desk" people, the world might not be functioning the way it is right now. It could be better, or the world could be not functioning at all! Who knows! Kay, let's explore further, say bank, bank teller is "behind the desk" yes? So without them, most of the work can't be done. Oh, btw, the CIMB bank branch in The Gardens, I am forever grateful for them, they open on Saturday AND Sunday!!! Say street cleaner, not literally "behind the desk' but the idea is the same. Without them, we WON'T have cleaner, more tolerable streets. Say delivery guys, without them, will the stuff that you ordered from outside of the country miraculously appears on your door step? No. Say WIC, my previous job, I was a Nutritionist, I see less fortunate, lower income group of women and I distribute food coupons for them to get some free food, and free formula for infants. That was a "behind the desk" kinda job, but without us at WIC, a lot of women and infants might be starving. I've seen so many sad cases, WIC is not a long term solution, but we are great helping hands even if its just for a little while...

FYI, "behind the desk" people aren't stupid people. We simply choose a different path. Also things might change for us down the road, everything is about timing right?

I could go on and on about it. In the end, I still think that comment is fucking obnoxious, cocky and rude. Don't like what I said? Y'all kiss my ass for all I care.

Like a flip of a switch

Woke up this morning thinking its a Saturday. After about 3 minutes, I realized, NO IT AIN'T! Grrrr. This morning is beautiful, the temperature is lower than usual from the all nighter-rain. Uh huh. Who would wanna get outta bed? =)

So I got up late, while I was having breakfast, there was that annoying conversation that I could not avoid listening to. Wishing I could blink my eyes and I am somewhere peaceful. I hurried finished my breakfast, down my coffee and left home. Was thinking to myself, I need to get out of this funk mode because its a Monday and a long way to go til 730pm. What's a better voice to do it than my own? I made the corners of my lips curve upwards, put some sparkle in my eyes. Sure enough my mood changed instantaneously. and I am forever grateful for the ability to make myself happy.

I truly believe everyone has that ability as well, we just need to polish it up with practice. Always start small and light, eventually, we'll be able to deal with the "bigger stuff" with POISE.

When is it good enough?

I miss the states, this would be an understatement.

I was driving to work this morning and it dawn on me, I haven't been fair to the people who loves me. By me complaining, in a way, means they aren't good enough for me, this place isn't good enough for me. But who am I to complain? Am I good enough for my love ones? Am I contributing to my society? I really haven't been walking with my feet on the ground.

I'm back!

Err let's see my last post was in June 2010!? I've cheated on blogging with facebook, fb games and TWITTER! But we'll see how long I could blog from now on.

A lot had happened between June 2011 and May 2011 (bejesus, its been almost one full year). I got a new job, held it for only 4 months, and I went back to my old job. It's really insane. But I came back with a new perspective and a new goal. Feeling more content than ever. I've also turned 28 in January, it's probably one of the best things in life. Love bein 28, I am more focused, happier, working hard on self. And surrounding myself with positive people and positive thoughts. I can't explain how great this all feels.

An amazin event took place just two days ago, I wrote an email to Rina to apologize, she wrote back!!! And we've exchanged about 3 4 mails since. :D I am practicing the whole forgiveness thing, I am so on it!! I gotta forgive those who has hurt me in the past, I have to ask for forgiveness from people whom I might hurt before, lastly, I have to forgive myself. I'm on it, I'm on it, I'm on it!

Btw, Randy Gage freakin' ROCKS! Check out his blog and also check out his prosperity videos on YouTube peeps.

<3

Dream sequel

Last night, I had another dream about me in Bangkok -_- Could it be over, soon?
I don't know, I truly believe that my brainwave is still channeling that buddha temple that I don't get to visit. Pffff. It was a bright and shiny day in Bangkok, the sky was so blue. I passed by the temple, I saw a gold plated, huge buddha statue. Instantaneously, calm and peace took over my feelings, it felt good, and in reality, my day went by calmly as well. What are the odds?

I *heart* buddha

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I am still in the process of learning to let go of certain things. I believe this will be my life long lesson.
I love the smell of peppermint, rosemary and cypress...
Son by Four is on repeat on my playlist all day. Speaking of playlist, before iPod existed, 'playlist' doesn't exist, at least not in my dictionary. There are only about 4 songs. But I didn't get tired listening to them. They put me in this very nice state of mind.
Few nights ago, when I was half asleep, all these thoughts came into my mind, something I wanna blog about. As you can see, I couldn't remember any of it! lol That's why I am doing the rambling thing.

Dark, damp and disturbed

That's where I'm at. Again. It'll usually take a couple of days for me to come out of it.
It doesn't help that I saw Public Enemies a few days ago and I'm watching The Lake House now. They both have one thing in common, they were both set in Illinois, mainly Chicago too.
Man I miss it so much, the brutal winter, but I still love it. Chicago is a city full of magic, landscape, buildings, the city grids, really really white thick fluffy snow (before they plow it into a pile of ice), Union Station, Fitness Center that faces the river. and so much more.
Sometimes, I couldn't answer myself why I left Chicago. Sorry lemme rephrase it, Why the hell did I left Chicago.
Will it help if I stop watching The Lake House now? no.
I just wish I explored more when I was there. Going picture crazy like I did now. There isn't any turn back time right?
Oh and also, my favorite grocery store. Shopping at 1 in the morning :)
And Panera bread.
And the fake chinese take out.

Yea, I want to remember my favorite city that way.