Happiness

Is there such thing as "finishable" happiness?  I say/think YES.  

I was so happy and on cloud nine earlier today.  I was spending time with my family at starbucks, sippin on caffeine.  I didn't have to rush to go somewhere, to do something, I had all the time in a day.  I was so happy so close to being crazily happy.  Hehehe.

But it was a short lived happiness, or may I say, my happiness is finished.  I mean there are only so many times you could listen to your favorite song to boost your morale!  There are only that much satisfaction you get from playing Restaurant City on fb.  SO, where do I find happiness?  You may say, look from within.  Well, what if happiness doesn't exist within ME?  

I am so tired of looking and looking for somethings, someone (including myself) to make me happy.  Will it be okay to be not okay?  

Sometimes I feel like, (the one sitting high up in the sky/heaven) is pushing me to my limits.  He/she keeps pilling on s*** onto my already full plate! * I remember reading the new earth, in the book it says that if you could just acknowledge the unhappiness and do not try so hard to cover it or make it (unhappiness) go away, you will eventually be okay.*  I don't know how not to focus so much on being unhappy at times.  

Gosh, I am ranting, aren't I?  Without realizing it too.  Just thought I would talk about happiness.  And til this now, I don't have a point.  Is there any rules for say we have to be happy?  Of course, one won't be a pleasant company if he/she is sulking (or lashing out) ALL THE TIME.  But is it okay to be not okay?  

Sigh, guess one of the other reason for me to work out is I want to obtain happiness.  Physically yes I am going through restrictions and challenges every day.  Emotionally, the feeling is accomplishment is rewarding.        

Like seriously, what the hell am I rambling about?

My crush still remains as my crush.  

I am also impatiently waiting for the return of Paul from NY to Oki!  

Nope, Paul is not my crush.  If you've read my previous entries.  Paul is my long time friend.

Unusual weather and all

The breeze outside my window is heavenly.  Soft and warm.  But is this a sign of rain?  Rain or (moon) shine, I wanna move my lounge chair out to the middle of my mom's garden and soak up all the goodness god gives.  =)  

Today was a busy day as usual.  I gave my all so that made me feel good.  

I have a crush on someone.  :p  Never felt this way for someone.  NEVER.

Errmm, he doesn't know about it.  =)  And I'd like to keep it that way for now.  Let me enjoy the feeling of "crushing" on someone.  Oh, that someone, put a smile on my face every single time I see him.  I like  ;)  

I was insulted, tonight, through a phone, by a son of a bitch.  His name is N.V. A. P** H***.  Allow me to say this, he is a fucking ass-wipe piece of shitty-shit son of a fuckin biatch!  There I said it!  I was so angry, my face was burning red (told by my coworker) and I cried.  Because of that ass wipe!  I felt threatened then, as if I was talking to a drunk mob.  Awful experience.  

Fell in love with another Rihanna's song ~Hatin on the club~  =D  

Finally, I kept up with working out.  I could run two small rounds without stopping, some kind achievement for me, considering I never include running as my exercise routine.  Something to be proud of  ;)  hahahaha  Pray for me for additional strength and determination.  

It is 1225am  I should clock out now.

Dreams I had

Numerous occasions I dreamt of the blue ocean.  How the ocean smells like in memory and in my dreams....

I wanna work towards making one of my dreams come true.  Which to live in a city next to the sea.  Now, I don't know where this place is.  I'm sure I'll find it one day.  I don't think it'll be Hawaii.  Coz hawaii is not big enough of a city for me.  ;)  

Boy, I wanna just go back to bed, back to my sweet dream of the sea and the sand....  Ocean mist, ocean's blue and green makes me feel alive.

Another...

Another pothole that hurts me like a mo-fo.

When I thought I could stand up and keep walking forward...  well I thought wrong.  

One's happiness could turn into my sore sore sore...

Since when that was ok?  Disgusted.

Plans have been made, lives that have been brought into this world...  

I, feel, inadequate for any of it.  

Something needs to be done.  But could it?  

Wee hours, pages and pages of pages were browsed through...

Searching, longing for a sense of, a sense of...

Wee hours, reading a beautiful poem from an old friend...

He titled it "Questioning the Question"

Sadness slowly creeps in.

Could it be a sense of sadness I was longing for?  Searching for?

Fresh tears are warm

The beating heart though, has lost its warmth a while back.

A microwave might be handy for me, if you know what I mean...

Another rainy season that dampens my mood.

Sigh.