Bored

Kekeke I stole this from one of those FB tag game.  Just coz I'm bored that's why I wanna do this!  Don't worry, I ain't gonna tag in anyway shape or form.  ;)

48 things about me!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
few days ago.  oh yea, last friday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
LOL  ask anyone... I hate my handwriting.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT
I'm a lacto-ovo 

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
nope

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I totally would, coz I'm caring, I'm understanding, I give free hugs.  Who wouldn't wanna be my friend?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
sometimes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yea

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
yes yes yes!!!  bring me?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
bran & raisins.  Tho I hate raisins.  Ill still love you!!!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Gosh, who does that?

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
chocolate, the darker, the better  ;)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
ze hands.  you got a ring on?

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
white, lavender

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
stubbornness.  But that's also one of the things I love about me...  

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

not only one person.  I got TONS whom I miss....  you know you are tho.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Nah, I just did this for fun.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black shorts.  bare feet.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Khalil Fong.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Ocean.  It makes me feel alive.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Babe

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
n/a

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football NOT soccer.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Black

28. EYE COLOR?
Dark brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nah

30. FAVORITE FOODS?
mama made

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both yo

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED
Pathology, a complete waste of time

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
green tank top

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer DUH!  It allows me to be in two piece and hang out with my fav girl.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kiss kiss 

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
n/a

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
n/a

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Clutter and Butt and Fat  LOL

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
secret

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
didn't get to watch =( 

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
hmmmm

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
neither either

44. Where is the farthest you have been?
errrr

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
ain't got none

46 WHERE WERE U BORN
Ee to the Poh

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
n/a

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
least expected 

I had a point. I did.

I had a point, last night.  Thoughts flashing through my mind when I was half asleep.  I knew exactly what to say in this blog.

But now, I lost it all.  All I hear is the new thoughts in my head.  All I hear is the new songs on my playlist.  What prompted all these thoughts in my mind?  

This morning I got to work, I saw this look my coworker's face.  I asked, what's wrong?  He said today is the worst day of my life...  I asked, what happened?  He told me everything.  As he was telling me why...  all the old creepy feelings just came back to me.  It's non other than relationships challenges.  It gives me goose bumps.  I said to him no matter how many times we've been a relationship, no matter how many times we encounter heart breaks, the feeling will always be the same.  

Your heart is at the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle, no where to be found.  Your mind is occupied by so so many what ifs, what if he'd never done so, what if I'd never said that.  Your can't smile even if Russell Peters was on tv, you feel as if winter is never gonna turn into spring...  

Sometimes you'll ask yourself.  Dude, what the hell have I done to deserve this?  Yea, until this day.  I don't have an answer for that.  

Was talking to an old friend last night.  He brought me back down memory lane.  How we met was the funniest thing.  We still talk about it.  We still remember exactly how it happened.  lol.  It's a good laugh for the both of us.  You probably wouldn't believe we've only met twice since 2004.  No one remember how we became such close friends.  Ah~ I lied.  I still remember how I would call him up during the cold days in Chicago while I was waiting for my train home at Union Station.  How he would holla to see how I was doing with the bf (at that time).  Come to think of it.  The most memorable phone conversations took place during the coldest days in Chicago...  hahahha  Also during my Hawaii days.  Our communication was limited to only emails because he was out in the sea.  Cheers to good friends  ;)

Gettin late here.  This evening is pretty fruitful.  Get to chat with babe for ONE hour!!!  He has some decision to make which I am in no condition to help nor offer any suggestions.  He wants to buy a house!  

Half Assed

Something's over due.  Like putting up a new entry here.

And also blasting my Bose to my favorite party songs.  

Speaking of songs.  I got myself a new playlist on mEepod.  I got: cookie jar, mad, love remains the same, if i was a boy ft. R. Kelly (don't like the version without R Kels), how do you sleep, give me a try by Sizzla, where do you want me to put it, everybody knows, blame it, rockin that thang.  Some of it are new songs, some are old that I dug out from my old playlists. ;)  There are a few songs highly recommended!  They are in red.

~~~

Goofy things aside.  I have been psyching myself to get up early every morning and follow my mom to go for walks.  Past few weeks I was depressed.  Couldn't bring myself to get up early in the morning.  The only reason that made me get up is work.  Coz I HAD to.  I felt like I was losing control of everything.  I mean what good is your life when you have no motivation to get up in the morning, everyday???  I got to a point where I know Imma be so miserable and ppl around me is gon hate me for being so negative...  So I decided to do something about it.  First was to quit caffeine.  And it was done.  Not easy but DONE.  Now, it is waking up early.  I'm talking about 7am during weekdays and 630am during weekends.  I feel better as the days go by...  Getting up early allows me to have more time for things.  

~~~

Totally distracted from finishing this entry.  Coz a girlfriend of mine needed to talk.  She's all the way in Vegas...  So I need to give her time.  Poor thing.  I shall continue some other time.

Who did you hug today?

I miss hugging ppl.  I miss the feeling of being wrapped around by someone's arms...

The ppl who I hug these days are less than the number of fingers on my right hand.

The person I hugged most is none other than my baby sister.  :)

Well you can say that hugging friends and family is not a culture in Malaysia.  I was watching the last episode of The Gem of Life with my mom tonight.  There were a few hugging scenes, yes it was just acting but it reminds me that eastern asians don't give real hugs or what some ppl would say "bear hug".  I love hugging ppl.  Just that I can't go around hugging ppl here.  So who do I get to hug besides mei?  They are my two beloved coworkers and Effa.  Yup that is it!  I get to hug Effa is coz we both understands the hugging "culture" lol.  

I miss me some heart felt hugs.  

I miss me some warm and fuzzy hugs.  

I miss those hugs that could tell you so long as you're in my arms, you're okay... 

When I was in Hawaii, not only did we get hugs, we also get a kiss on the cheek during greetings from almost everyone.  Yea... even the cute guy who is NOT your man.  Hehehe

You know when I say hugs, it doesn't solely meant for opposite gender.  Even hugs from my good friends could mean the world to me.  yup.  I love hugs.  =)  So the next time you see me, don't be afraid to give me a hug.  Well unless you're extremely allergic to human contact!

Rossa -- Aku Bukan Untukmu

I saw this song's video on Heay's blog. Following is the lyrics to the song...

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Such a beautiful sad song. When I have more time, I'll try to translate it. ;) Now, if you wanna check out this MV go to Heay's blog then!

Bits and pieces

Today started out ok, but it ended leaving me all warm and fuzzy.  I remember when my brother and I were still young, my dad would drive us into town on sunday nights (back then KL wasn't so crowded with ppl and cars and polluted air) to see tall buildings and lights...  He probably had known that we didn't want our weekends to end and that we resent going to school the next day.  So that was his way of taking our minds off school for a little while.  My brother and I appreciated it even though we didn't know how to tell my dad so.  =)  Those were countless sunday nights that brother and I enjoyed, same town, same lights and the same buildings...   

Just like old days, we went downtown for dinner somewhere around Jln Pudu.  It was the same feeling I had on our way home, there were laughters, there were chattering in the very same city.  =)  On top of sunday nights, my dad would also take us out if either of us is having an exam the next day!  Cool eh?  

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ice cream Ice cream Ice cream was totally on my mind today.  Part of the reason, weather being so damn hot.  When we got home from dinner, brother, mei and I went right back out, to Mid Valley to get I SCREAM.  Specifically Haagen Dazs baby!  It almost never happened where we would go all the way to MV just to get ice cream, it's all fun, it's all good.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Though life is definitely moving forward.  But I can't stop a lot of old feelings and memories from coming back.  Esp of certain ppl and certain places.  Those who have loved me and those who have once dissolved me into pieces.  A city that had given me so so many wonderful memories...  Guys please let me say it, I MISS CHICAGO LIKE CRAZY.  If Chicago was a person, I wanna say that my love for Chicago will never ever change (don't tell me never say never, I don't buy that).  And Chicago would probably thinks I'm stalking her.  ;)  It's February, still pretty cold over there.  I heard it was snowing on Valentine's Day.  There are a few ppl I wanna shout out to, Nancy, Evvy, Elyna, Flor, Daisy and Alicia!  I love you girls.  And Erin, take good care coz the future is still awaiting.  Love you very very much darlin!  I could go on and on and on about Chicago, I'll spare you from all that today. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Also wanna thank Heay for coming by even though she's still not feelin very well.  =)  I enjoy hanging out with you cuz!  

Never have I

... felt so disappointed at work, from work and about work.  I mean never, not even when I was in Chicago.  

It is a feeling no one deserves.  I'd like to think that I'm doing my best, giving my all to work.  To a point where I don't think I have a life.  Today, both my boys were called for a meeting and I was alone jaga-ing the counter.  The meeting lasted, ohh, forever.  When they were back from the meeting, they wouldn't tell me what was discussed.  Until finally I forced one of them to.

Him:  Your boss said starting from now, on the last saturday of the month, all three of us have to work from 1030 to 730.

Me:  Fucking shit, I couldn't believe this.

Him: Yea, we'll be paid only 50 bucks for that.

Me:  You gotta be kidding me!!!!!

Him:  ...

Me: I can't believe this shit.

A little bit of the background.  We started rotating on saturdays that at least one of us will be in the office from only 3-6.  AND on every third saturday of the week, we have an all day event elsewhere.  So basically, we were already working two sats of every month.  NOW, they gon make us work three sats!!!!  I AM EFFIN PISSED.  The four words are the least to describe how I feel right now.  

Neways, I can't help it but called my mother.  I practically screamed into her poor ear telling her how angry I am, how disappointed I am.  I know I know, I know what's behind the whole effin ordeal.  The economics bad right now, so they are milking us the best they could.  My mama managed to calm my hot tempered self.  Don't let me get started on bonuses and increments.  These two words do fucking not exist in my boss's dictionary!!!!!

I can accept if you don't wanna pay us more for whatever reasons.  I do.  But *boss* could at least treat us with more respect.  Don't treat us like animals as if we don't have feelings, as if we don't need time for ourselves.  We are totally under paid (yes I said it).  And now, *boss* wants to start working us like fucking dogs.  Damn, did I tell you how angry am I?

I will take on my mother's advice which is to start looking for another job!  Wish me luck.  I do not respect anyone who doesn't respect me and my boys.  From now on, like hell I'm gonna give my 100% at work and do to this shitty ass job.